So far i have let H initiate any hugs or kisses, is this the right thing to do or should i go up to him and hug him from time to time? I don't want to put pressure on him but i don't want him to think that he is the one making all the effort.
Whatisis - I have still been trying to cook!! H is totally amazed at the transformation. Recently we went to stay with family and my brother-in-law cooked a wonderful meal. When we got back i bought all the ingredients and attempted it for H and I. It went really well, H even said he thought it was better than brother-in-laws!! He was probably just being polite, but even so i was over the moon. I am actually really enjoying cooking now and don't find it stressful anymore. For the first time in ages i feel like a 'normal' person, who CAN acheive things, not the waste of space that i thought i was. I am loving being a mum to my 2 wonderful boys and H calls me 'supermum' all the time, which is brilliant.
This probably sounds as if i am blowing my own trumpet a bit but, why not!! I have spent such a long time feeling really down with myself and i now feel that i have come such a long way and changed so much - basically, i am proud of myself!
To anyone out there who is in total despair - DON'T GIVE UP, it can work out if you try hard enough.
I know that i am feeling great today and there are going to be lots of black days still to come. But i am just going to make the most of the good days and hope that the bad days get less and less.
Speak to you again soon (hopefully i'll still be happy)
