For someone who is not a native English speaker, you are very literate and clear.
I'm so so sorry about your son. Please don't underestimate the effect of all of this stress on your relationship. Both of you may be suffering from some post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
My late husband went through many health crises during our ten-year marriage... at least 20 hospitalizations, kidney transplant, leg amputation, hip replacement, a couple of heart attacks... he's been gone over 6 years, and I'm just NOW beginning to see what long-term effect all of that stress has had on me. And of course his death... I'm just now feeling that I'm getting some perspective on that.
And you're right, those life-threatening situations DO put everything into perspective. Of course, you still want intimate contact with your wife-- probably now more than ever-- but recognize the anger and hurt that all of these events have caused in you and be careful that you're not focusing them in just this one area of your life.
Both of you have had to bear a LOT... and remission is only remission... the future is scary. Be gentle with yourself and with her. You have a lot to be angry about. Be angry at God, if you want-- your anger cannot touch God, but expressing it may make you feel better. This is NOT the way your life was supposed to go, right?
Don't be afraid of negative feelings. Get them out. Post here, talk to your pastor, yell at God. Being angry doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the good things that have happened. There's plenty of room in you and in God for ALL of your feelings.
And above all, be patient with yourself and your wife.
