You posted this thing about trusting God through this and not obsessing over every thing you say/do.
Good move.
Let me share with you my wrestlign with God on this.
Here's what I found. It seems God likes DB principles, too. I still pray for him to change my wife, end her relationship with OM, etc. But, what I'm finding is that it's the prayers for me to change are being answered. For example, I've been praying that I can learn to patiently grieve with my wife and sit with her in her pain. Well, he's provided opportunities for me to do that. One evening on a date night, she was cold, angry, depressed and miserable. I wanted to say, "Let's go home, since you don't seem to want to be here." Instead, I drew her out. Asking questions, validating felings, listening, not judging, sharing my stuggles with similar issues. By the end we were laughing. The next day she called me and thanked me for really listening. The next night she initiated love-making. Sha-zaam. I must point out, I drew her our because I genuinely cared and loved her, not because I was doing a technique. I also had been GAL, so I was buoyant and happy, I was a dynamo of peace, fun and hope. Her sadness was not going to crush me. In addition, while I was drawing her our, I threw up a prayer, "Holy Spirit come and be here." I invoked the presence of the Almighty.
Another time, I was praying that God would humble me. Then I read this book called Come Back Barbara. It's about how a pastor learned to love his daughter unconditionally after she punted her faith, got divorced, and started dating drug-dealers. It didnt exactly apply to a marriage, but I began to see how I loved the self-pity, holding the moral high ground and the self-righteousness I had in our marriage crisis. It really struck me and I confessed it to God. One evening I was talking to my wife and I told her that throughout this process I was being very self-righteous and would she forgive me for that? She started to cry. She also commeted on how she noticed I was changing for myself and not for her and that she appreciated it. No we didn't have sex after that, but she's seeing that my heart is able to change.
So..God answers prayer. It seems he delights in answering the prayers of people who are seeking to humble themselves and become more Christlike.
When I pray the "miracle" prayers, I find, sometimes, that I'm just asking him to fix my wife, end the pain and turn the clock back. Most of all, end the pain.
But...the pain is what's changing me into a more wonderdful man, isn't it?
