Whew! A lot of debate on the ol' thread last night. All I can say is that I am trying something I haven't tried before - stating my want and not getting into the "let's analyze this" pit into which Ms.Hdog always wants to drag me down. I know there is nothing to be gained by going down there, and everything to lose. It is HER arena, not mine.
So, to sum up, I'm doing this because: 1. It is helping me reclaim my integrity, my sense of self, which I have abandoned or ignored for way too long. 2. It is an exercise in overcoming my fear of confrontation with her. 3. Her reactions to my statement give me information. 4. The information I gather from her reactions will help me decide what I need to do next.
As for withholding information from you folks, I think I've been pretty consistently straightforward. My ex once told me on my way into see a counselor about our out-of-control marriage and reckless lifestyle, "You know that she won't be able to help you unless you tell her everything." She was challenging me, because she thought I'd make her look like the "bad guy". I took her message to heart, and confessed my sins to the counselor for most of the session. As any good counselor would do, she was not judgmental, but she helped my look at how I was contributing to the problem.
I have always wanted to thank my ex for telling me that. Even though her intention at the time was to firm up our "conspiracy of sins", it ended up informing the way I talk to counselors, and to you folks, too. I know that I will not get the kind of help I need unless I tell you the bad things about me, too.
I have, at one time or another, confessed my financial ineptitude, my angry reactions/yelling, my various prescription medications (anti-depressants, ADD meds), my various diagnoses (depression, ADD), my premature ejaculation, my long distance flirting, my lies and omissions, and probably a host of other sins I don't want to enumerate or can't remember right now. Why have I done this? Because I need to hear it from my "counselors", whether they are professional or laypersons, if I'm the one screwing up and what I need to do to work on that. And you all have come through with that information.
Have I left some out? Probably. But, for the most part, I have shared with you that I am a flawed individual, just like all of you.
'Nuff said.
Now, anyone know where I can buy some better rope for my harem in the basement? They are chewing through the cotton clothesline I'm currently using.
Hairdog, who sprinkles gunpowder in his rum just so his flatulence can be that much more dangerous.
I'm proud of you ol' pal. You are doing exactly the right thing, and for all the right reasons. Who said you can't teach an old (hair)dog some new tricks? Here's to hoping that you stay strong and on course, and that MsDoggie sits up and takes notice (note I used Ms, not Mrs. Being the femi-nazi she is, she probably objects to the Mrs title too, right?) Oh, and I don't think any of us other than Cobra were accusing you of withholding anything.
Yeah, you're holding back on us. I know it. I haven't heard you say "lucky bastard" in a long time. VERY suspicious behavior. What's going on that you are not telling us? Hmmm?
/sarcasm off
Chrome ... who thought it was absolutely hilarious to see HD write "lucky bastard" on NOPS thread from almost 4 years ago.
And who is now thinking "jedes bohne-chen macht ein kanone-chen"
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
stating my want and not getting into the "let's analyze this" pit into which Ms.Hdog always wants to drag me down. I know there is nothing to be gained by going down there, and everything to lose. It is HER arena, not mine.
So, to sum up, I'm doing this because: 1. It is helping me reclaim my integrity, my sense of self, which I have abandoned or ignored for way too long. 2. It is an exercise in overcoming my fear of confrontation with her. 3. Her reactions to my statement give me information. 4. The information I gather from her reactions will help me decide what I need to do next.
Generally friendly, but I'll let you know how this evening goes. We have tickets for the symphony, and plan to go out to dinner ahead of time. Kind of a late-Valentine's day date.
Watch out for that pit! Look but don't jump or slip into it.
If she accuses you of being nice just because you want "something" from her, tell her you're being nice for purely selfish reasons-- because it feels good to YOU to be nice.
Don't forget the tried and true response to leading questions: "Oh." With no rising inflection.
I am very glad to hear that you have taken the first step in confronting your wife (MrsNOP keeps me up to date on everyone).
The only thing I would add is that you not forget that you are doing this for the relationship, not just to get what you want. Ultimately, the relationship will be the issue.
I want to suggest that you stop couching your decisions made concerning your daughter as "omissions", and that you stop allowing your wife to assume you are a liar because it is more comfortable for you to be considered a liar than to confront her with your decisions.
Take back your finances, HD, and prove that you can handle them with integrity. There is no reason you should force your wife to handle your mistakes.
Now that it's hot, stir the pot.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
