Still in the fight

[81388*]

TO;
I really like the way you think. The way you think scares the hell out of me. I read your words and it seems like you are reading my mind, THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO BE DOING!

I need to recapture the heart of my wife, I need to show her the passionate man who she found irresistable all those many years ago, the man she turned down other guys for, the man she longed for, the man she couldn't picture herself without.

In the addmition of that fact is the recognition that she is no longer my wife. The mental construct that you propose forces me to view her as another man's wife, a concept that I am more than a little uncomfortable with. By the same token, as you pointed out I have nothing left to lose.

I know we all feel this way, but I have little or no idea of who I am apart from her. We have been together since I was 17 years old. I have grown up with her, and fully expect to grow old with her as well. In the 27 years that I have known her, there has only been 1 year that we were not a couple.

That brings up a good point, that one year we were not a couple, we were simply friends. I was too "young" for her as she was dating an older guy at the time. We worked together, and from time to time would go running. We could talk about anything because neither of us had anything to lose. She and her friends would say "If he was just a few years older", They didn't think I had a chance, they didn't think I had any potential, they didn't know me, and in the process they underestimated me.

That is who I need to get back in touch with. I am sure the college guys she was dating said "WTF!, she left me for some little kid". What they didn't know was that I wasn't even trying, I didn't think there was a chance in hell that she would ever look at me as anything other than the little brother she never had.(she really is only 1 year older than me) Sure I would look at her and think "if only..." but then she would ask me over, or make plans to run, or excuses to visit.

I have always taken it for granted that she wanted to be with me, and now that she doesn't want to be with me, I need to become(not act like) the man she wanted to be with.

The problem is I am lo longer the Kid, I am someone who has everything to lose. I am the father of three children who have more than everything to lose, I am the committed husband of a smart, sexy, beautiful, multifaceted woman who is throwing her family away to live a very limited lifespan fantasy.

The battle that rages is between all I have to gain, and all I have to lose.