HD can never make her understand until she is willing to understand. He has talkedtalkedtalkedtalked until he is blue in the face (I'm assuming this, having never seen him). Right now he is working on a BEHAVIORAL change.
By staying out of the pit, I do not mean he ignores her or refuses to engage with her. I was responding to your comment that he could cause a "confrontation that could escalate." YES he will cause a confrontation by stating his want for regular sex over and over again. But this will not ESCALATE if he refuses to jump into the pit.
He states his want. She blusters, flails, jumps up and down and waves her arms. He states again. Note that he is not ASKING for anything. He is stating a WANT and leaving it up to her to respond.
This is EXACTLY the PERFECT way to interact with Mrs. HD. It also doesn't matter whether HD is also doing stuff to pi$$ her off. Those issues don't have anything to do with HD's wants any more than karen's grasp of her husband's sterling qualities vis a vis her accident negates her desire that he step up to the plate sexually. Two separate issues in each of those families.
HD is stating a want. Period. PERSUASION HAS NOT WORKED IN THE PAST. Why do you keep bringing up FOO issues. And now suggesting that HD is holding out on us? So what if he is. It doesn't matter if he's Bluebeard and has a harem of women tied up in the basement. No doubt she does have legitimate gripes with HD. It would be impossible to find a couple where each of the people doesn't have a legitimate gripe with the other about something. Her having gripes with him does not exempt her from marital sex. All he is doing is stating a want to Mrs. HD that is an appropriate want to state within a marriage and letting her respond as she will.
You keep bringing in all these issues and "facts" that are muddying the water. (VERY 5 of you!) Her "reasons" at this point for not wanting sex don't really matter. She has shown in the past that she cannot be reasoned with on this issue. HD is saying "this is something I want and you don't have to understand why, and I don't have to justify it or explain why I want it." It can't get any clearer than this.
