Afterall....This IS my Life III

[heatherg]

A boundary is something you place upon yourself, not on another.

Right. Got it.

You staying in the M is conditional upon a specific action you've established for him. That's a power play.

First of all, I didn't tell H quite like that....what I said here was that all H would have to do is say the word and I would be in MC with him. What I told H was that if he ever decided he'd like to work on the M, I would welcome attending MC. There are several things H could do that would probably result in me staying put, offering up counseling is one of them.

A boundary would be: "I can longer stay in the Marriage as it is." If and how he changes is completely up to him.

I haven't said anything differently to H. Inside of course, I have many ideas of which changes might encourage me to stay and I've disclosed a few of those here.

I don't see myself as a victim. I was trying to stay in a M that I knew I couldn't be in and stay true to myself. I was resentful because I was in a no-win situation and there was so much at stake. I wanted to be able to do it. Hence the warrior chick I guess. But I couldn't do it, I can't speak words that come from my heart and look in the mirror and see someone who didn't have the courage to live it. I'm not a victim, I was procrastinating a decision, hoping things would change. Things didn't change and I had to stop trying to direct the traffic.