I think that it is very important to note that the consistency should be a prerequisite to the step of meeting her wants and needs because HD shouldn't be trying to meet her wants/needs in order to get more sex. This will only lead to resentment or escalation.
NOP didn't meet Mrs. NOPs wants and needs to get more sex. They were separate issues, and I think they both had to work toward that understanding, if I remember correctly. And just as Mrs. NOP realized the effects her LDness was having on NOP, NOP also recognized how his minimizing her wants and needs was hurting her equally. If I remember correctly, they both accepted responsibility, equally, for the state to which their M had gone, even if they were 'guilty' of different behaviors.
Don't want to speak too much for either one of them, but I think I am remembering this correctly.
