Thank you all,

Sven and Mama ~~~I am trying real hard to find my center for sure and just find me. I can still fear the fear a little and then I take a real big deep breath and it fades. It for sure helps 100% that my husband is being nice. It makes a huge difference.And being good to me is not as bad as I thought it ever would be it actually feels good.

When I can feel his love and most of all respect my heart just opens and I take a bigger risk, I alllow myself to be vulnerable and sweet not guarded.. I have learned that I am responsible for my own Happiness!!!!

And yet when he adds to it it feels like sheer bliss. I know I cannot always feel like this but it sure would be nice to talk to one another with love and respect and to compromise too. Like we have been for a whole week now. I really hope he sees how nice we interact when there is mutual respect involved.

I went to the gym today and I lifted weights for 45 minutes and I also rode the bike for 30 minutes. I am impressed with that and I have alot of energy today. Dunno if it is the working out or the meds or what but it feels good to have enregy and not feel so tired and hopeless and just palin overwhelmed. I must say it is also helpful for me to come here and post everyday it feels good to put my feelings down as I work thru this in my life, I neeed to concentrate on when he arrives to just be free and let go for real ,,,,no holding back.

Before, when we were seperated ,,,I know without a doubt,,,I let go.
But then the thought of her (OW) would just walk up to me and slap me in the face again and I felt so humiliated. I am working on realizing he is human and I am seperate from all of their "stuff". He hurt me too and I did not run into the arms of another man,, but enough of that. He loves me and needs for me to let this all go and become the best WOMAN I possibly can and that I am underneath all this stuff. I am determined to do this even if it takes alot of hard work.


I am rambling and I dunno if any of this made sense,,, growing is alot of work
Thanks you all xOXOXOXOXo Ali
God bless...