On Heather’s thread “Afterall...This IS my Life II” she wrote:
Maybe I am missing something, but who WANTS a divorce?! Have you ever met anyone who puts that on the X-mas list? It sucks. It hurts. It will for a really, really long time. Maybe forever. Not to mention what it may do to my kids. There is nothing freaking good about that. So, no I don't WANT a divorce. But I don't WANT to be treated like a leper anymore either. So I am making the best decision I can make. I will heal from a D and my kids will make it because I will make sure they do. But I cannot heal from this M unless I get the hell out of it. I am through with it as it is. Like I said before, that doesn't mean I can't have hope that we can build something better in the future. There is nothing wrong or 'unhealthy' about leaving the door open. If that doesn't ever come through, well then I'll deal with D then. Good grief, Rome wasn't built in a day.
She quoted Cobra:
But it is just another form of escalation, a higher level of exerting power
(This was an exert from my comments “Take this whole divorce idea. She readily admits she does not want to D. She wants a separation. Why? What is the point of separation? If she is through, then she is through. Get divorced and move on. It seems to me like she is still trying to get him to come to his senses, to realize what life will could be like having his kids half the time, getting his own place to live, losing his family life. If all that will break through his denial, then great. I've done the same thing and it can be a wake up call. It can have positive effects. But it is just another form of escalation, a higher level of exerting power (which is why I think Heather gets so riled at me - she is still firmly in the power game, is doing what I am doing and I think she knows how it feels all too well).”)
Then Heather said:
You know what? That is probably exactly how H views it too. And because of that he will end up divorced instead of happily married with kids. What a crock.
This last remark has continued to stick out in my mind and I think it ties directly to this discussion about revenge and forgiveness. I also think Heather’s H is aware of this aspect of her too.
