Oh, honey, I know. I'm sorry for all of this, I am. You know, the definition of 'justice,' is paying for a crime ONCE, and then moving on. Suffering is paying for a crime, over and over and over again. Suffering is not justice. When one acts or behaves in a way as to make another 'suffer,' that is not justice, that is revenge. Keep that in mind when you feel so benevolent as to offer your H your empathy.
Quote:
I just couldn't do that anymore.....the realization hit me as I listened to the man who used to be my H essentially tell me I was a bad mother.....on top of treating me like a dog in front of my sister who was here visiting....on top of saying negative things about me in front of my kids. No stranger gets away with that crap with me kwim?
No one should get away with it, stranger or spouse.
Quote:
Since I don't really believe in God, let's put it this way. I believed in the love of my H and I asked his forgiveness. He didn't give it. In the face of that, how on earth can I forgive myself?
As we humans are not perfect, and love certainly is not perfect, I'm not sure why you'd give another so much power over you to begin with. Why in the world would you EVER put his opinion of you, his forgiveness, above your own? Sweety, how long are you going to flog yourself over something you cannot go back and change?
Quote:
Just seems too self serving. When my M is falling apart and my family is crubmling before my eyes, where do I get off forgiving myself, ya know? It's just too soon.
Ah, I see. All of this is YOUR fault. Every single shred of it, huh? Really? Dam straight forgiveness is self-serving, and you sure as heck need it the most exactly at the time when your M is falling apart.... to NOT forgive yourself is you continuing to be a victim, and in victim mode, you cannot save an M. You can only run from it. When you are no longer a victim or a martyr, you make a choice. Big dif. That is not a criticism. Both have their place in the world.
But I am seeing something here about you, right now, that very much concerns me. You are in an 'abuse-mode mentality,' and I'm hoping, for your sake, that you have a support network around you. Are you still in counseling?
