No worries Happy, I realise you do get a bashing for some of your posts but this time you were spot on! Something I had been considering myself the very day you posted. So - bearing in mind that I have been slipping slightly into "old me" I decided to stop right there and do a 180. Have now done the following: Let H do exactly what he wants for V day (and it's been wonderful) H has a cold and coughs all night - old me used to get angry with him, now I just ignore it and find I can sleep OK. H then worries he's woken me up, I tell him I had a great night's sleep.
I'm also waiting for the next chance when H mentions something I would wnat to say no to, and I'm going to say YES with no discussion or explaination. So far the 180's seem to be having a good effect, so can't be bad.
Happy Again thank you for pulling me up on this, I was slipping back into old me mode, when I was in DB mode a let a lot of things go and they didn't make me any unhappier than I would have been anyway. So I'm going back to a bit of that - less discussing with H, less disagreeing with H. I'll come here to vent instead if I really feel I need to. H has been good to me, he deserves a break, and I would do well to remember that he belongs to nobody but himself.
OK - post over - thank you for listening. I've made a commitment to be more laid back with H, pull me up if I don't keep to that!!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Awesome, Jen! Although...I don't know that saying yes when you want to say no is the right approach....
Let me see if I can explain. If it's something that's *really* not your business to give permission for, then you need to look at your H and say, "You don't need my permission; are you really asking my opinion?"
If H is asking for your opinion, then you need to be honest. Use "I" messages. Example:
H: "Uh, Jen? I'd like to know what you'd think about me getting a second penis. I'm thinking about getting surgery to get one."
Jen: "Well....I can see how you might be interested in having two. However, since you've asked me my opinion, I want to be honest with you. Personally, I don't like it. I think it might look a little odd, and I don't see what benefit a second one might have. What is the second one doing while we're ML? Are you thinking it might get worn out and you'd need a mid-sex replacement? Maybe if you explain your thinking I could see your point of view...."
Get it? Rather than saying, "Eeeeeeeeeew! Isn't one enough? And if you THINK you're sticking the second one in THERE, you've got another thing coming!!!!"
Sorry...went off on a tangent....gosh, I have a really warped mind. But you get the point, right?
You rock!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
LOL SD....yes you do have a warped mind and I think there should be more in the world like you!
Of course, if it's somethign I really can't live with then I will say something, but I think I have been a bit too demanding of late...there are a few things I could have let slide. I have recently let his new horrible tatoo slide, it's not a deal breaker. I'm just trying to find the right balance. I'm doing OK so far, and I want to keep it like that.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
