Muddle's Waters V

[MuddleThrough]

Well, I ended up picking up flowers and some candy for W. I left it in the living room and let her find it (I was outside shoveling snow) and I didn't get a card. I was sensitive to the fact that she would likely feel mixed feelings about it. When I came inside she got on my case saying "don't you think I would have liked to come home to a clean house after I was working all day?" to which I responded that I had been working too - I didn't have the day off - and Ihad to go out and shovel a couple times. I didn't have the time, but I had picked up a bit.

I stopped in a couple of times and gave her my undivided attention. I listened to her tell me all about work and how she felt about it. I think I judged her a bit too much - even though it was a sincere attempt to help her. She was talking about how incompetent she feels (she's going through orientation now) and how she feels like she doesn't know what to do. She was also frustrated because she was scheduled for full time when she's working part time. I told her that I thought her feelings meant good things for her and that she could use them constructively. Her bad feelings about being scheduled improperly were a call to action - she needs to talk to her boss and get that straightened out. And her feelings of incompetence should drive her to get answered any questions she might have. I was basically trying to convey to her that her emotions are not bad, they are information about how she's feeling - that there are steps she needs to take. Use them constructively, don't judge and condemn yourself for feeling a certain way because you think you shouldn't, or you think it's not normal. She did seem to take this well and I'm pretty sure she saw my point. I felt uncomfortable giving her advice. A bit fearful that I was taking a position above hers (or that she would interpret it this way) and that my doing so would make her uncomfortable and sever the connection we seemed to be experiencing then.

Later in the evening, after I had gone upstairs, she dropped by the room. She told me "I really appreciate the stuff you got me for valentines day. I didn't say anything before because it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I always have a hard time with it and with things the way they are I feel strange. I wanted to tell you that I do appreciate it though." It was really sincere and nice to hear. I wish she hadn't felt uncomfortable, but it's to be expected. It's nice to be thought of, and I hope she focused on this rather than thinking about how insensitive I am because I got her stuff when she doesn't want to have a relationship like that with me and I just don't get it and I just don't respect her desire to not have anything like this. Blah.