Yeah, I tend to over-analyze, which is probably why I would recognize it in someone else. I am also a bit of a bulldog, and have a problem letting things go, but I am learning, and getting much better at it. You sure have found a way to let go, in a very positive way. At least, your postings reflect that. I like your comment, "most of the stuff I do from here on out in regards to xw are things that work toward closure for me, not things for her". Now is the time to focus on yourself and your children, and your XW must continue on her journey, wherever that takes her ... could even be back to you ... who knows, 'eh!
Hope you have great plans for the weekend. I work tomorrow at our local ice-rink, then church on Sunday. Next week is my last week at work. I find the shifts don't work for me, while studying, and it definitely won't when my H is away from home during the week. So, I resigned, and I feel like I have time again, to do stuff for me. (Gosh! That still sounds selfish to me, sometimes, but I know how important it is to have time to myself, to pursue my own interests, while still plugged into my H's and children's lives.) Take care!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe, So another over-analyzer with a bit of bulldog that doesn't like to let go? Maybe it's because I'm that way also but don't necessarily see those as negative traits unless like everything, taken too far. Here here with the journey philosophy.
Do have decent plans for the weekend, going to the NFL Pro-Bowl game tomorrow and then on Sunday out to a beach resort for some snorkling and putt-putt with the sons 14 & 16. FINALLY took my last final exam of my final course for my Master of Science degree today. No more school!!! Yeaaa Talk about now having time to do things for me, now I just need to figure out what my interests are these days. When you say you work at the ice-rink, do you drive the Zamboni? That's something I've always wanted to do for some unknown reason. Enjoy your weekend. More in the saga to come, I'm certain. RJ
What a kick in the gut man. Sorry to hear that, I refer to it as bomb2. Remember mine came on xmas eve 05, what a present, eh? Don't let it get to you guy, it's weird how the peices fall into place once you get past the realization that trust is no longer there that was always supposed to be there. Just play it cool man.
Haven't figured out this new board system yet to find peoples' threads and mark as a favorite? Do you have one you post on? RJ
Just been following yours. Everything has been going well. I have not really even thought that much about her. Been GAL. IT likes she had to stick it too me beacuse I wasn't caring. He drive a BMW. He is a little geek. She just wanted to show she has some value. Pretty silly and very sad.
Just proves again how damaged she is. As for me, I have been hanging out. Old girlfriend from 20 years ago found out I am divorced. We have been talking pretty regularly. We actually were engaged. She was the first real love and I have been searching for that "type" of woman for 20 years. She is frinkin hot still. I am going out to see her.
It was just one more emotional domino to fall. Next one will be when she gets engaged. The real issue was that she "unveiled" him at my house (boundaries) with the kids. I said is this your new boyfriend and she said "he is not that new." "We have been dating since Dec. 7. (yea right). He has been the stumbling block for us. So you know what, he can have her. Her true charatcter really shined through. This is the first time the kids had met him. He went and sold Girl scout cookies with my kids. We had previously stated we would not involve the kids with other people unless it was serious. So I am assuming it is pretty serious.
Hillcountry- Done and movin on.
Hillcountry
[color:"red"]I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
Yeah, I also find my traits more positive then negative. Not sure what others think of it though. I am also, generally, overly honourable and idealistic (which, apparently, can be annoying) ... will not make a promise and not keep it. My kids know that about me, and used to always try and get me to 'promise' them things or such. Unfortunately for them, I'm too unintelligent. Hehehe!
No, don't drive the zamboni, sadly. I work as a stand-in clerk, but I have quit, and only have a week left. I am studying further, and i find these shifts mess with my study schedule. I am thinking of starting something from home. I am also busy writing a book (which I have no illusions will actually get published, but who knows. I will put it on a website, just for fun.)
Hey, awesome to finish exams for MSc. I enjoy the sciences too, especially the earth sciences, like geology.
Anyway, off to work. Have a fun weekend!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
RonJon, my XH dropped the bomb ILYBINILWY as we were planning a move, already qualified for a new house, "baby" planning his move out of the house and other children moved out. XH had a big meeting with our boys and told them nothing would change except he and I would not be married. He told them I would be angry for a while, he would be a**hole for six months, and then we would all be friends and I would see how this was the better for all of us. He stated very up front that he wanted to be "friends" and that would be best for our family. I told him I would like to be his friend and his wife but I could not take our lives and reduce them to just friends. I also told him love is a choice. Once the "ga-ga" phase of a relationship is over, I do believe love is a choice. None of us are the perfect beings that we seem to be during what I term the "ga-ga" phase.
I wish I had good advice to offer you. I'm really just throwing out some thoughts that might give you a different perspective. XH and I were engaged at Christmas 1979, married 8/30/1980, I was trying to get him together with our realtor on 9/25/2004 and instead he announced he didn't want to be married and walked out. I found out later his "friend's" husband had filed for D on 9/5. On 9/27/2005 our D was final. I'm 53 and he is 47. He is on GF #3 and living with her. So, I guess he has moved on.
I don't talk with him on the phone, only e-mail him if it has something to do with kids or grandkids and that is rare. I have been out on two dates...didn't really enjoy it so I'm not looking at that choice much. The one guy actually told me how I was going to need to rearrange my life in order to be acceptable to him. Excuse me?
I work a lot. No spousal support, kids are grown so no child support, I earn about 1/5th of his income without a second job or overtime and got 50% of the bills. But, on the positive side I have a job, work overtime, bought a fixer-upper [all I could afford and my dogs and I didn't thrive very well in an apartment :(]. One of the main reasons I don't date is I do not want anything serious in my life. I don't want expectations from me. I don't want to be told I need to do this or that. Not sure why that is what I seem to attract but until I figure that out I'd rather be by myself. This has been a really difficult time for me. I don't have any siblings, my parents are deceased, and I feel like I have lost my whole family. XH's siblings initially said, you will always be family, you are welcome anytime, blah, blah. When FIL was here last summer, I was polite enough to call and ask if I could stop and see him at a 4th of July picnic as I had the day off from both jobs and he had requested to see me. After being put on hold, XH and siblings had a discussion in front of our son about how awkward it would be because OW is there, blah, blah, so I was told it was not a good time. Well, I don't know about anyone else but if I tell someone they are welcome anytime, I don't turn around and put limits on it. So, I did manage to find time to see FIL at another time as he asked again, although it meant not sleeping and still going to work. I've since cut all contact with XH's siblings as well.
I'm remodeling my place......slowly. I've never done anything like this before and after working 60 to 70 hours a week I don't have a lot of energy left over but my only critic at this time is me. My plan is to remodel this place, sell it, and buy a place with a garage.
For some of your musings, I don't know how you just turn off loving someone after 25 years. I still love XH. I still miss him. I miss our family. I still wish he would come home sometimes. I don't have a lot of time to think about him and I don't dwell on what probably won't ever happen. I'm just trying to take one day at a time. I don't make life plans anymore...who knows.
We recently had a birthday party for 2-year-old grandson. My son wanted his dad to come but wouldn't ask him. He said his dad would either be too busy or out of town or something as that is the response he normally gets. So, I e-mailed and told him. I showed up early, got tables, ordered pizza, etc., and when XH showed up I gave him a hug and said it was good to see him. When I'd had enough of thousands of screaming little kids, I told kids good-bye and left. XH later told our son that is why he doesn't know if he should come. He had no idea what he did that made me angry enough to leave. When son called me to ask if I was angry, all I could say was huh?
I really hadn't intended to leave you a mega-post although I'm sure this is. I would just say not all women are out there looking for Mr. Right. Maybe the younger ones. Our society tends to raise girls that way. I doubt I'll ever put that kind of trust into any person in the future...especially when it all seems to hinge on a whim. Good luck to you. Do what makes you feel good. If you want to be nice to your XW, be nice. If not, I can really say the only person you will always have is yourself.
I decided that is was time to disengage. I decided that I don't really like her. I decided that she is not my friend. I decided that she is not healthy for me. So I am moving on, she will reap what she sows.
God Bless,
Hillcountry
Hillcountry
[color:"red"]I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
BeingMe, Same here with the honorable and idealistic, must be a package deal, are you left-handed also? I will drive a zamboni someday, eveybody has to have a dream right? Good luck with the book, think I am going to go for my Certified Industrial Hygenist goal next and be a CIH. Have a good long weekend. RJ
Glenda, So many similarities in situations and read the same here over and over. Am ready to go with divorced and done rather than the forum title. At least divorced and just want to be left alone by ex. Don't think there is any advice at this point that would have impact. Everyone chooses their own path in life. Same here, ex said was for the move then pulled out at last minute to be w/om. My siblings and parents had passed away also, still have S16 and S14 with me, xw didn't even ask for them let alone fight. Suppose I'll always care for xw but love, in addition to being a choice, takes takes some effort or if not goes away, goes into hibernation, which is where I think I'm at now, even after 24 yrs marriage at age 47.
It is odd how that when I entered the dating pool in was mostly people that were least attractive to me were somehow attracted by me, there were a few diamonds among the coal but again, the whole relationship thing seems like such an effort figured I'm not ready for that and taking a break there also. Seems like when I take a break from things that they turn around and happen on their own. Think there are too many movies that make some women think that if they don't get hit by lightining when their eyes first meet a guy, then they should keep looking until it does. Doesn't work that way with me, at best is a "hey, I might get to like this gal" and connect a few dates later. Well, thanks for sharing, RonJon
He stated very up front that he wanted to be "friends" and that would be best for our family. I told him I would like to be his friend and his wife but I could not take our lives and reduce them to just friends. I also told him love is a choice. Once the "ga-ga" phase of a relationship is over, I do believe love is a choice. None of us are the perfect beings that we seem to be during what I term the "ga-ga" phase.