After I discovered this news, I sent H an e-mail letting him know that I knew and asking him not to contact me for any reason. The following day he sent me an e-mail justifying his contact with the OW (co-worker) saying they have had drinks a few times and spent time together but that it is not an A or a "relationship". He defended her honor saying WHEN HE FIRST ASKED HER OUT she declined not wanting to start anything with a co-worker. She obviously has changed her mind since then. He went on to say that he has been out with other women also and he's not having an A with them! I didn't respond. The following morning, another e-mail asking me how I came to the conclusion that they were having an A and that he was should be able to socialize with whomever he wants to as we are no longer co-habitating. He seems to forget conveniently that we are married. I didn't respond to this one eihter.
We have been collaborating with our lawyers to come to a separation agreement which was set to be signed this week with the intent of me buying him out of his share of our house. With this new information, I told him I was backing off of the agreement for at least a few months as a matter of self-respect to live up to an agreement I made with myself saying I would not make any major decisions until at least six months passed after he left. He railed. Didn't like that - accused me of breaking an agreement I made in front of lawyers. Again, I didn't respond.
Then, today, I was praying this morning as I do every morning asking for guidance and seeking the Lord's will for me to stand for my marriage or to give up. I read on the link that was sent in your reply here about the WAS replies. In it there were several comments about forgiveness. I was inspired to offer an "olive branch" of forgiveness to my H. I told him that I was very sad about all of this but that he's right, he can do whatever he wants. I told him I've come to the place in my mind and in my heart that I forgive him and I'm not blaming him for anything anymore.
He responded within 10 minutes saying he was sorry and that he is sad that he has hurt me the way he has. He told me that he did try very hard to make things right for a long time and he sees now that it would have been easier for me if he had let me in on what was really going on in his head then. But that he didn't really know that he needed to. He said it's been very hard for him to explain and articulate the details and that he knows that it has been hard for me too. He said that he appreciated my forgiveness.
I was shocked. I didn't expect him to reply let alone offer such a seemingly heartfelt reply. This all from a man who tells me he doesn't love me. Sure feels like a loving response to me. Or am I reading to much into it? This is a very different attitude than what I've been receiving but it is the second apology of his behaviour in the past week.
Anyway, it made me feel good that he accepted my forgiveness. That was the key point for me.
I still intend to take the time to wait out the legal agreement. I don't feel at all motivated to rush this part of things. I was mainly doing it to help him get on with things but I truly believe that the Lord has intervened and that there are other spiritual things going on of which I'm not aware. Thanks for your replies.
