God yes I want to save my marriage. Its just been sooooo long you know. We went through 3 miscarriages, her affair, seperation, fighting, a gleem of hope, fighting, seperation, a bigger gleem, fighting. I just hurt sooo much and I feel myself hating her so much for all of it. I know i dont WANT to be a cheater and it is against my values really. But im so lonely inside. At least today. I used to be this great guy to her. I was the best!! Then around 99 things started slipping. My dad died, her job fired her at the funeral, miscarriages, affair, her son graduating HS, and my depression on top of it. In just the last year we have had the S and her son fighting a heroin addiction. He better now and off in London for school. I know the distance and his issues hurt my W a lot. All I ever wanted was a happy family cause mine growing up was fights and divorce. I thought I had it all and then this 44 magnum of crap began shooting me. Its just so hard to hang in there. I love her to death. I really do. When she looks at me in a loving way my heart melts. But I tend to see more hate then anything now. I checked out some of the MLC stuff and it could be that. But i know I have tried to find the answer before only to be hoping for the answer. I cant help but think sometimes its me too. I dont know anymore. Im totally confused and feel like Im going insane myself.
