I spoke with him today, and even with a timer on went to 35 mins, though I'd planned on 20. Still, it was hopeful. Lots of stuff similar to Michele, but a bit of a different perspective b/c focus is on MLC.
I will do my best to organize this in a coherent manner, as our conversation went all over the place.
MLC in general:
* Is it MLC or not? Not sure because it's been going on, but it doesn't matter b/c I can use the same tools for a man who is depressed as for one who's in MLC.
* People change all through their lives, but some people do not change enough in early adulthood, so have to do a LOT of changing a midlife.
How men think:
* Obviously, generalized
* Visual: look good and show off what he likes
* Want to be independent: generally, married a strong woman b/c they were not mature in 20s and wanted to be with someone who was. But now, they want to be independent.
* Want to be lusted after: be flirtatious! Touch him, sexy clothes (not sleazy), but take it easy! Show him I'm interested sexually.
* Don't talk till they've decided. Women tend to think out loud; men don't. Conway said that this is why women are always shocked when men leave, and when they come back! He will not say anything till he knows his own mind.
Strategies:
* Follow his lead on speed -> he's a man I'm interested in, so flirt but not too overwhelming.
* Respond when he initiates conversation, but keep it light and don't put any pressure. Do not just walk away. He's testing the waters to see if I still like him.
* Affirmations--lots and lots! He's feeling bad about himself and needs this.
* Get kids to affirm him too
* Pray and get others to pray too
* Visual, flirt, etc.
* Compliment him on taking care of his health and the therapy (not sure about the therapy thing--will think on it)
* Get him the book "31 Days of Praise." Again, not sure about this, but I'll take a look and see if I can find a way to approach it.
Other:
* If he brings up D: "If you want the D, then I can make you stay." But make him do the work, which judging by the way it's gone so far, he won't.
* If one person gets healthy, the other will probably want to also.
* Try to find out if he's switched his meds or still on the same one. It can make a big difference as diff ones work on diff areas of the brain. If his depression isn't in a certain area, a med dealing w/ that won't help. Recommnded "Change your brain, change you life" by Daniel Amen.
* He probably says things to keep his distance, but doesn't take legal steps because he doesn't want to leave the M, but he's afraid that things won't change -> leverage
Positive signs:
* Told me to HOLD ON! There are positive signs.
* He makes conversation
* He hangs around the house
* He's in therapy
* He's on meds
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
