I've read the MLC stuff above. Some fits (bad childhood, some of her behaviors), some doesn't (I can't recognize definite "stages" because they seem to cycle daily.)

So I'm sort of confused about what exactly she's going through. It ain't pretty, whatever it is. And if I could imagine myself as a young woman, I would shudder down to my pink toenails at even the THOUGHT of breathing the same air as my wife's archaic, pathetic, and generally repulsive OM. (But I digress).

How to DB now?

You know, there is A LOT of time together. She's with me nearly all the time. I would say that I get "I love you" nearly every hour too. Anything I do to "detach" is noticed post haste. I mean, I caught doo-doo for even saying, "you really have to make up your own mind about that," referring to her relationship with OM. It got interpreted as abandonment.

So things are complicated.

(I know, it's very strange. But it was sort of a complaint that I'm not "there for her" no matter what, and it gets mixed up with her anger over her $$$$ situation. I do a lot to support her even now, for example, and if there is any hint of that falling off, I get a whole litany of complaints.)

I've given up on my conjugal rights, by the way. It is not at all what I wanted at this point in my life, I might add. But I've accepted it, and I don't pressure her.

I think I'm doing ok with all this, but I'm hoping that she gets herself well SOON.