I understand that being “one” or joined-at-the-hip are both enmeshment and therefore not desirable, in the long run. But for the short term, I think there can be advantages to enmeshment, especially as a way to give temporary comfort to lower defenses and hopefully realize that the two people really are on the same team.
Then there is the issues with MrsHD. Can she ever get to the point of differentiation? That is a big question mark. I don’t think many people here believe that she can do that without some sort of realization break through of all the skeletons she is hiding in her closet. So short of that, what is the next best alternative?
This is real life. We may not always be able to achieve the “ideal” preach in all the books. Lou is another example. Will BB ever become truly “healthy?” If not, what is his next best option to make his life as comfortable as possible and minimize the pain. Maybe it is not a truly differentiated approach. Maybe he and HD will have to be content with either a manageable form of enmeshment or leaving the M. That’s all I was trying to say.
