In my mind, the objective is for a couple to become united as one.
I don't believe I have EVER disagreed with any statement made on this board as much as I disagree with this one. There is NO way two people can become one IMHO, and if even there were, I wouldn't want to become one with somebody. I remember when my late H was still alive, I came across a relationship book that presented this pov and I simply threw it in the trash. And I'm a true lover of books.
I'm much more an adherent of the Kahlil Gibran school of thought: "let there be spaces in your togetherness."
If you are "one" or pretend you are, where is the Otherness? There are certainly moments, especially when IN LOVE, which give the delicious illusion of being one. But this is transitory, as it should be.
Also cobra, my R with bf is going really well these days. I probably should create a thread bringing y'all up to date, but it's much more interesting meddling in other people's lives. Basically I've stopped meddling in his life; I've even stopped going with him to the C, because it was only a place for me to complain. He has also started attending a really great men's AA meeting, and in this way, I see him stepping up to the plate re his own recovery. You're making assumptions based on the past and we've evolved a lot.
Re "we speak"-- I think it's bad for relationships, personal and professional... as is the use of the passive voice. I have a client who uses the passive voice all the time and it makes me nuts: "I was told that a report was needed." WHO told you to do the report? "I was given... A donation was made..." You can't do business in the passive voice!
Can you imagine an office full of "we speak"? "We need to have some coffee here." "We need to get ready for the board meeting." "This weld in the nuclear reactor needs to be inspected for cracks." "This kidney needs a transplant."
Gimmeabreak!
Ditto what corri said. If you want something done or want something from your partner, it's a lot cleaner and clearer to take the risk and OWN your want. Please, hairdog, just say "Will you please help me rake the leaves (or shovel the snow)?" or "If I rake the leaves, will you whatever?" <"give me a b.j.?"> j/k
Basically I've stopped meddling in his life; I've even stopped going with him to the C, because it was only a place for me to complain. He has also started attending a really great men's AA meeting, and in this way, I see him stepping up to the plate re his own recovery. You're making assumptions based on the past and we've evolved a lot. 
