Muddle's Waters V

[MuddleThrough]

I see this side of it too. In my sitch, it's often this very thing that's used to support the idea that I don't care about my W's feelings. So I'm emotionally attached to the issue and I admit that I probably don't have the clarity on the issue I'd like to. I often think it's an "agree to disagree" issue. Telling my W that I can keep track of all that has made her uncomfortable and then make accurate judgments from this history of what will make her uncomfortable in the future is more than I can handle. In any given situation I need to be responsible for me - and I can't do this very well if I'm being responsible for my W as well, especially when this isn't a two way street.

In the payless example, do you think my W thought about, or gave a damn, that it embarrassed me that she stormed out of the store? Not that it was much of an issue for me, but the point is that she was focused only on how she felt and faulted me for not being focused on her. Had she thought about how her actions could impact me in the very same way she thinks I should have done, she probably wouldn't have felt nearly as bad as she did. Very often the very thing we think our spouse should do or should have done is what WE should have done for ourselves.