My pleasure. Honestly, I wish I could talk to him and offer him hope. I wish someone could talk to my wife and offer her hope. I think that's the reason DB and other "systems" tell you not to talk to too many other people. Most people, rather than remaining a friend to the wayward spouse, listening and encouraging them to hope, instead tend to jump down their throats, judge, and tell them to "stick it out" because it's the right thing to do. Yeah, if we're Christians, we all know it's the right thing to do, but if they are at the point of having an affair, or considering leaving the marriage, traditional religous and ethical systems no longer hold their allegiance. Also, rather than offering them grace, love and a vision for an intimate, passionate marriage, they are simply telling them to "just say no" to divorce and adultery. Just say no? If it were that easy, then we wouldn't need a Savior who said "no" to sin for us and who said "yes" to God for us. Hellooooo!!!!
Anyhow, I'm preaching to the choir.
MuddleThrough, I really apprecicate your non-judgemental perspective. I need more of that. I think to discuss that with you. I don't have my own thread yet, so I'll ping you a private message, or perhaps, start a thread on the topic of being non-judgmental and respectful when you feel your spouse is morally wrong. It almost sounds zen-like in it's perpective of trying not to contol outcomes. In addition, I like your understanding of stating who you are clearly and asking for needs to be met without contolling or being controlled by other people. Yet...I find a paradox, because who I am is a person with crystal-clear moral/ethical stands, and yet, my judgments are crushing my wife. I'm working on bweing my authentic self withour worrying what my wife thinks, yet I'm working on humility and trying not to be judmental.
