I've used CBT. A good therapist will help you set up the "program" and teach you what to do. Besides the sessions with the therapist there's usually daily "homework." I've only used CBT on a child with OCD so I'm not entirely sure how things will be set up for your husband. There are some helpful books on it. There's OCD workbooks and Jeffrey Schwartz's famous book called "Brain Lock." It explains and has photos of some of the MRI studies that show the brain before and after CBT (how the OCD brain becomes more "normal" after CBT). There's other books too that are very good. Most of mine are pediatric. I think CBT is wonderful.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Wow thanks Root - that is very positive feedback. From what I have read so far it does seem to work pretty fast, depending on the cooperation of the individuals of course. H at this point seems willing to cooperate.
We have another session with the C this Friday to discuss my perspective on how I see things overlapping with the A and then H goes by himself on Monday to start the CBT sessions. I am pretty excited about it all and to see if I can notice the improvements or not. It will be interesting for sure.
The C is going to combine the CBT sessions with our couple's sessions so he can get feedback on our situation but also monitor the CBT sessions with H (and ask me what I think at the same time). Of course, this is going to cost a fair chunk (going twice a week) but I am confident it is something that has to be done and if it helps and we can get our R back on track, I would put a second mortgage on the house - if need be.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well, we went to the C this afternoon but we got on a whole other topic and never got around to discussing the CBT - however, we go back to see him this Friday and H starts his own sessions (one-on-one) with the C starting next Monday so I believe that to be a good thing.
I don't know if it was karma or not but during the session C seemed to be siding with me quite a bit and confronted H a few times about him contradicting himself (I tried not to be smug about it and had to really restrain myself). Then after our session H got quite violently ill (we wrote it off to mild food poisoning from some cheese he ate just before we went for our session) - hmmm maybe someone is watching over me after all eh
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Glad to hear it went well. One thing about CBT, even though it's a relatively "quick" type of therapy (depending on what's being worked on), it sometimes requires a little maintanence and some continued practice. Your husband may need little "tune ups" here and there. If you get a chance try to get over to the library and get some books on it so you can learn about it. It's actually very fascinating and I've seen instances in my own life where I've applied it in a loose "non-clinical" manner (i.e. if something bothers me even at a mild level I might go out of my way to deal with it as an "exposure").
Yes, it can be very costly! I think I spent $200 a session. Made me want to change professions.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks Root - I am hoping these sessions will only be $130 each but H will be going once a week and together we will be going once a week so $260 a week - worse than my mortgage payments. Being H was in an accident though, we are hoping to recoup the money for the sessions through insurance (if post traumatic is proven, which I am sure it is that because he changed almost instantly). I don't want to give the man excuse, I well know he already has enough of those in his pocket, but the A happened after the accident too, along with depression.
And yes, from what I have read online, CBT does need "homework" so I am hoping H is going to cooperate in that department too because there isn't much point in going and expecting it all to be done in the C office.
Also, I have heard that the C can be quite assertive with the client, asking questions and pushing them to deal with the emotions - something H DOES NOT like at all!!! That in itself should be interesting. I would love to be a fly on the wall
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well V Day - I was sooooooo concerned about it but it has come and (almost) gone and I am still here, all in one piece. I bought H a very simple, plain card - no mushy stuff and some chocolate kisses (he loves chocolate) I held onto them thinking if he doesn't give me anything I can always pass them on to someone else and can use the card for him next year (or never - whatever the case might be) but when I got up this morning there was some chocolate hearts sitting at my placemat on the kitchen table. I said "I thought we weren't going to get each other anything" - his response? Men don't get things for V Day, that's for women. On that note, I went into the other room and took out my card and chocolates and gave them to him. He said "I didn't get you a card, I feel bad". I said it was okay and that at least we were together, that was the main thing. He said ILY and that he would meet me for lunch today
He brought me lunch and seemed VERY pleasant - we talked, not about the R (which was nice for a change) and then he gave me a kiss, said ILY you again and went on his merry way. He also said he didn't have to work tomorrow (usually works nights) and that he would meet me for lunch tomorrow too
I sure hope this continues or ... never mind, that is thinking negative and right now I am on a positive streak so let's just leave it at that.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Sounds wonderful Heywyre! Enjoy those moments, give them the same due we give the ugly ones! I too kept my celebrations simple this year. I thought of giving nothing (like my W got me) but then felt it was as much a family thing in our house as a couple thing so I did what little I could do ( and I mean little ) to mark the day. Hey, as long as she doesn't give me grief I'll consider it a great day! Actually, I think the fact that she is still my W made me feel I should do something, it's respectful and I always want to be that way regardless of her actions, they are between herself and her conscience, not me. Hey, what's this crap your H is shooting you about women only buying stuff for VD? I thought it was the other way round!
Hey, what's this crap your H is shooting you about women only buying stuff for VD? I thought it was the other way round!
I agree, that is a crock! Real men will put their macho pride aside and show their feelings. Hm, last time I looked, being a man, I had feelings about love for a woman and gave her gifts and flowers. So I married her.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
) to mark the day. Hey, as long as she doesn't give me grief I'll consider it a great day! Actually, I think the fact that she is still my W made me feel I should do something, it's respectful and I always want to be that way regardless of her actions, they are between herself and her conscience, not me.