James, Julie, Utterly, et al...thanks for the input. I chose to plead a headache and therefore not answer her directly. It WAS true, I had a whale of a headache thinking about that one! So I stalled and talked to DB coach last night:
She told me some things I had already figured out: I spoke from my hurt/anger and started a conversation I shoud NOT have begun. It doesn't move me toward my goal (no surprise there!) Spouse has crazy-making behavior but if I read the code it implies that she is staying put ("let's go on vacation" "let's buy a new refrigerator") I am at a low point and don't have any juice left to deal with this because it HURTS LIKE HELL!!!!!! After I recharge I have some choices: I can risk asking for what I want: STOP contacting OW from our computer, while I'm home anyway (we all know what she'll do while alone) Start trying to get closer to spouse and say things like "I want us to be closer"...lure her in. (am I quail hunting?) the big message was ACT AS IF. quite honestly that would get me an academy award right now but here goes. I am going away for the long weekend with friends so maybe that will help.
Jules, off to the ever exciting school parking lot!!! and driving spouses car. Can't wait to see if OWs face lights up when she sees it!!! Floor tiles rise up! Sarcasm always intact!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
