Most WAS's that are going through MLC are trying to "relive" their childhood. They are trying to recapture a part of their lives that they feel they've somehow missed out on. Which explains the reasoning behind the new and younger friends.
It's heartbreaking seeing them flounder and flail about through this time. I understand when you say that you used to be your W's best friend. I am my H's best friend. So, when he got lost in the tunnel I was hurt tremendously when I was no longer his best friend.
You say that she's completely shut you out. It's because you DO know everything there is to know about her. That scares her. She doesn't want you to know her inside and out. That was the case with my H. He was scared out of his wits because I knew him better than he did. He didn't want that, he hated the fact that I knew him better than anyone else.
You are right, it's her tough luck that the friends that she wants are friends of yours. You have a right to be friends with whomever you choose. If she can't deal with that.....too bad.
This is your life you are living. She chose to walk away, and leave it behind. I've read through some of your threads, and hear you struggling with detaching. And struggling with the idea that you need to work on you.
I was told this:
You need to work on you, for you. If you are changing (180's) for her, don't bother. They won't stick otherwise.
Become the person that she fell in love with. Independant, strong, charming.
Let her go. I always thought if it like this.....I have a SS11 who likes pushing the line. I've learned through my H's MLC, that I need to let go. My SS11 needs to make his own mistakes. He needs to fall down over and over again, with me watching. He'll reach his hand out when he needs it, and then is when I will help. I'll give him words of encouragement if he needs it, but otherwise he needs to figure things out for himself. And over the past 9 1/2 years that we've had custody of him...he's figured out that Mom (me) is not trying to hurt him, but to help him. Help him stand on his own two feet.
Jazz,
I feel for you. As do many people here. We know what you are going through and have experienced it all at one point or another. Keep your head up. It gets easier as time goes by. Don't go so fast. You don't need to rush. Take it minute by minute, then hour by hour. Soon it'll be weeks and months, and one day you'll look in the mirror and see someone you haven't seen in awhile.
Feel free to post to me. I'll do my best to help.
Take care of YOU!
PS
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
