I've been following hd's story since I joined this board in September 2004. Mrs. HD is a very tough nut to crack. Ordinary methods do not work on her. She is a family law lawyer and hears stories of how awful men are from her clients. Plus she is the kind of ball crushing feminist that gives rational, sensible women a bad name. Hairdog KNOWS whom he is dealing with. He is not running, and he is not hiding or deflecting.
Mrs. HD is a fog machine... she smothers him with wordswordswords mixed with anger, lashing out, bs-- it's not that she is evil-- she is VERY afraid.
Hairdog has talked, explained, given in, argued, debated, confronted, persuaded--- and NONE of that has worked. What he hasn't tried in the past is a simple request FOLLOWED BY SILENCE.
Picking something simple like sex once a week and sticking to that "want" is like shining a laser beam through the fog. It wouldn't have to be sex; he might be saying he wants them to have dinner together once a week... the content of the "want" itself is not that important (except that it has to be something he really does want and of course, that sex is a hot issue for Mrs. hd who has nothing but contempt for people's sexual urges-- women's as well as men's). He does not have to justify this want.
When he states the want and she responds with fog, illogic, accusations, Buddhist quotations, etc. -- don't y'all see: ALL of that is coming from her, and when he does not reply, it's CLEAR that all of it is coming from her. THAT'S what being in the crucible is all about. You turn up the heat on yourself.
When hairdog states his want, SHE makes HERSELF miserable with all of her bluster, flapping, and flailing. If he gets into a convo with her about it, she turns the blame on him. When he is mostly silent, there is no fight and she has a harder time blaming him.
What hairdog gets is to see clearly that HE is not causing her flailing. He gets his integrity. He stated a want, and she went ballistic. ANY explanation that he adds to his want is like spots on a clear windowpane-- it obscures the view.
