Sorry, but the "correct" answer she wants to hear is "you are right. I am grasping for happiness by seeking something from you. I need to seek my Buddha nature and meditate. Only when I stop seeking, will I find true happiness."
I don't think you're "hearing" what I am trying to say.
You shouldn't answer her!!! Whether it was a direct or indirect question, whether you have the answer she wants or not, it doesn't matter about her! Who cares what answer she wants to hear? Of course she is deflecting. Do you really believe that she is any stronger than you? She is an avoider as much as you are she just uses different techniques for her own personal issues.
For me personally I am interesting in what the answer is for you and for your soul. Actually I don't care if you tell me, I just care that you know. What is your deepest truth about yourself and what you are seeking? WHile I agree that seeking happiness isn't the way to happiness, I do think you should be seeking something - truth, knowledge, strength, whatever.
Sorry if this was too strong. I just felt like my main point wasn't heard. Again I truly think it is a "cheeseless tunnel" (to quote a book that I personally hated, abhorred, despised,loathed and any other synonym) to pursue this conversation with her. This is about you.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
