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And mentioning an affair or leaving the marriage, it is not the way to engender respect with her. It is threatening and will force us further apart.

Hmm... I think that is your fear talking (and avoidance of course).
Are you telling me that it's not an honest answer? Can you deny that? You think not saying it outloud will make it not come true?
That it will just go away?
I guess that is my point. It won't go away until you let her know how you really feel. And heck yes, it might cause major chaos for a while, but what you are doing now is NOT going to work. Why would it?
Not only is she a strong cookie but she's a smart cookie, she will read you like a book if you are trying to dance around the real issues.
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Asking to make love once a week is more than just sex. It is about being honest -- with myself. It is about getting my own self respect back.

But you are asking her to respect YOU too, right? It's not all about getting your self-respect back. It takes two to have sex and be in a M.
Yes, you will probably feel better about yourself for asking for the once a week sex. But your tactics are still wrong I think. And actually could just extend this problem indefinitely.
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I have told her all these things before, many times.

I guess I don't understand why this time is any different then.