W: I wish you could figure out why this is so important to you. I wish you could figure out why you think this is going to make you happy.
I just looked at her. While her voice got loud and shrill, I was calm, and, when I did talk, it was measured and clear.
And then the convo ended.
I think she is asking you to open up to her more there. Did you tell her an honest answer? Only you know what that totally honest answer is, but maybe something along the lines of: I'm growing to resent you and think of you as a real B*itch. I'm having bad thoughts about having an affiar, or leaving or.....etc. You get the idea. NOT some lame answer like I want emotional closeness, sexual closeness, blah, blah. I doubt she will think you deserve it. You can clean every room in that house, fetch her dinner, say the sweetest things, but deep down she knows you are full of sh*t. You are NOT being honest with her or building respect.
Quote:
And LFL, I really am as wonderful as you can imagine
Well, at least you have some self-esteem. But I still think Mr. Wonderful is being Mr. Avoidant. Asking for sex once a week without first builing up her respect and attraction to you is bound to fail. Am I really in the minority here on this viewpoint? I'm certainly no expert but I have had quite a bit of personal experience on this issue. In less than two years I went from a WAH, to counseling, to writing up separation papers, to dating other people, to working on rebuilding a friendship/connection with H again, to him moving back home, to being at a place now where I can honestly say this may be the healthiest our M has ever been. And what was the number one thing I attribute to this transformation? I think it was finally being able to really see my husbands true feelings, and probably he would say mine as well. It's hard not to face reality when your H moves out and your W starts dating other people. Cards were pretty much on the table. I would hate to think your M would have to take such a drastic step, and maybe mine did not need to either. But that's water under the bridge. You still have a great opportunity to talk to her and be completely honest with her. It doesn't mean the sex life will take off, mine is not that much different than before. But we have a greater understanding of each other and respect for each other that if you are honest with yourself, is probably REALLY what you are looking for to be happy. Not sex once a week.
