Ya know hairdog...I just read your post about being chickening out etc. You mentioned how this DB/SSM stuff was spinning in your head when you did that. One of the reasons I avoid this site is that "living in the moment" is really hard when your goals and hopes are in the forefront. It makes it almost impossible to NOT let your mind go into thoughts like "when will this change? when will she change? are we getting divorced someday over this? we need to talk. I need to do this or that" etc. etc.

Focusing on an goal that can only be achieved through another person's efforts, even if it's a miniscule amount, means that we are paying more attention to them than ourselves.

I wouldn't use that situation as an entree to a discussion. If she's tired, then she's tired. My in-the-moment thought for that type of response is "what a dud". Sometimes the intellectual approach is best substituted with a judgmental one.

Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time -Steven Wright