It was turning out to be one of those usual nights at home, camped in front of the tv, DD5 in bed. W: You know, it's nice when you snuggle up to me in the morning, but sticking your penis in my azz and grabbing my boob doesn't work for me. I don't like that. [note: although there are moments when morning wood comes into contact with her buns, there is no "sticking" going on, no anal, no nothing] H: I understand. I would like us to start making love again. W: (rolling eyes) Not that again. I thought you had given that up. [Odd statement. I told her many months ago that I had given up initiating, I later said that I would continue to initiate -- and each time after that, I was met with a firm rejection.] H: In fact, I want to make love once a week. W: (mouth open in shock, rolling eyes) Well, that's never going to happen.
Thereafter, silence ensued. She went upstairs to bed after the 9pm show ended, and I followed. Silence in bed, to my telling her "good night."
During the middle of the night, she spooned up behind me and hugged me for a bit.
This morning, (schools canceled because of snow, I decided to stay home with DD5)she came into the kitchen and said: W: When you say things like you did last night, it's pressure. I don't like pressure. H: I understand. I want to make love with you, once a week. W: (getting loud)Well, I want a million dollars. I want to live in the country. I don't want to live in this city. I want you to not lie to me. I really feel like we've been close these last few weeks, and then you lied to me about x (reference to what I'd characterize as an omission - I'd had to take DD5 with me in the car to go pick up my older kids from my ex-wife's house. W doesn't like me going over there with DD5 because ex has come to the car and yelled at me in front of her, causing some anxiety. I'd done it this one day because I'd forgotten W's preference, and, in the midst of telling her about a convo with my kids in the car, she asked about the incident, which suddenly became the focus of the conversation. I never did get to tell her about what I'd wanted to tell her. Suddenly it was about me taking DD5 over to ex's house, and how I hadn't told her that, and how that was me lying to her.)
W: You know, whether you and I ML is within your control. H: Not really. W: Just talk with me. Don't pressure me. Don't make sexual demands of me. Don't quantify it. H: Quantify? W: Yes. The "once a week." It's quantifying. We're back where we started now. You keeping track. And what happens if we don't have sex once a week? H: I guess we'll just see. W: That's just a threat. You know, I stuck it out, after your lies to me. I'm still here. I think we're doing okay, and then you start pressuring me for sex. Telling me we're going to have sex once a week, or else, is not the way to get me interested in sex. H: That's not what I said. I said that I wanted to ML once a week. W: I wish you could figure out why this is so important to you. I wish you could figure out why you think this is going to make you happy.
I just looked at her. While her voice got loud and shrill, I was calm, and, when I did talk, it was measured and clear.
And then the convo ended. She did her morning exercises. She went upstairs to get ready for work. Later, I joined her. We talked about an interesting client of hers. It was almost normal.
We kissed goodbye and, maybe it was my imagination, but I think she held the hug for a fraction longer than she normally did.
That's the news from snow day central.
And LFL, I really am as wonderful as you can imagine.
