I believe hd cannot go into any convo expecting his W to agree with him that there are issues, allow herself to be persuaded that his concerns are valid, or even allow that his desire for regular sex is the least bit reasonable.
Exactly. So why would she just agree to the sex? She hasn't shown any willingneess to "just do it" yet so why would she start now? Because Hairdog says he wants it?
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My suggestion is that he request a behavioral change. Something visible, tangible, measurable. AND that he not explain, discuss, defend, or in any way try to justify it.
I am all for behavioral changes. I'm not so sure how successful that would be without some of of what you wrote after AND though. Might work with some but Mrs. HD seems like a tough cookie and I doubt she is going to comply.
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A while ago, Mrs. HD in a softer moment, said to HD that she was going to try to be a "better wife."
So? Could just be deflection. People say things all the time they don't mean. You mentioned HD and his W have been going to counseling for a while, again I say, so? That could also be used as a means of deflection and avoidance. My H was a pro at that. Jumping through all the seemingly correct "hoops" and never really speaking honestly.
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Not to reduce the issues to "more sex," but to lure her into a place where it is clear to both of them simultaneously that she is not willing to do the SIMPLEST thing to make him happy.
Isn't that evident already? Hairdog has been on this board for years. What has really changed? Seems like he is just continuing to do the same things that are not working. I think the ONLY thing that will work is for Hairdog to deal with his major AVOIDANCE, whichever way that will work for him. None of us know what that is. Hairdog is a very likable guy as many people on this board have said. That doesn't mean he is going to be the best H. I hope I am not coming off too harsh Hairdog but I really think you need to concentrate more on your role in this M and less on how awful your W is.
