well wifes back. You were all correct a nightmare

[nickfromtheuk]

Oh Lissett your always so brutally honest with me.

But your right again I don't seem to have learned much. It's so hard. My wife is the only woman I have known sexually and as far as I know the same applied until the mlc. Its a strange one and although I'm sure its an mlc I'm confident this is going to be the only time she will stray unless of course we don't make it and she goes on the dating merrygoround. I downloaded an e book on affairs and it made a lot of sense.

My wife had this affair partly because I spent 25 years papering over my lack of sexual drive (low testosterone) by cracking jokes about not liking sex. I did this for so long my wife actually believed me. She thought I got her pregnant with our youngest son so I could keep her tied to the kitchen sink. i don't know where she gets all these idea's from. I'm sure OM has had a roll and I'm also sure I must have projected something to make her feel I was like this. I know part of the mlc thing makes them think the lbs is some sort of control freak but however hard I try I just cant see it.

I know I'm not very good at dbing lissett but I am trying. I'm still at the stage where I cry out to God constantly when I'm on my own. I never thought it was possible for someone to feel such grief for so long but even now as I type I feel so.... I don't know I cant describe it in words. Its a kind of utter emptiness, a pain that wont go away. I just know it wont go away yet and it clouds my judgment in everything I do. Sometimes it drives me mad, sometimes to despair.

Its very hard living with her at the moment. She is opening up a little and I know i'm supposed to stop R talk and I am trying I promise. I put one 3 stone in a month due to the anti depressant's I was taking but thankfully I have got down to 13 stone now. Just a couple more to go and I wont feel so fat. I've joined the gym and I'm trying to work on me. I just feel so ugly and unatractive. Thats probably a result of the affair but its how you feel.

By the way the e book says exactly the same things as michelle in her DB books regarding yourself and not talking about the R so I am trying I promise.

I'll get back an answer everyone else but thanks guys for stoping by and giving your advice. I promise you I do appreciate it and it is sinking in slowely honestly.

Nick.