What you said about your H sounds like what I used to say/think about mine...about being SOOO faithful and telling you that 'everything I want is here with you'...really hard to believe in that after they go and screw around, I know. I am sorry he has put you and your kids through this...I hope he is able to GROW UP and see how stupid he is.
I appreciate what you said, Trent, about reasons for the A - my H contends he doesn't know. I believe him. He is so afraid of opening up to himself, me, C or anyone and because he cannot get it straight in his own head and I am realizing it may never be resolved for me (to my satisfaction). This is where trust must come into play, not only trust of my H (which in itself will take a long time to be somewhat restored), but also trust of myself and our marriage, but most of all my renewed trust in God.
There is NO excuse for an affair; I think we can all agree with this. As far as simply being a reject, well I refuse to believe that I or any other hurt spouse out there is a 'reject' because after all, our spouses married us and they were not forced to do so. It is only through their own inadequacies that they 'reject' us, which is actually a rejection of themselves (which is what you were saying Phyllis) ...but in turn, we-the spouses and families-feel the brunt of their 'rejection' of themselves.
Sucks...huh. But I sometimes wonder who has it harder, of my H and I...see, I am able to look inside myself and see ME and understand, for the most part, what makes me tick-and WHO I am...he cannot, he hides from himself and refuses (at least for now) to open up. It must be terribly frightening for him, for anyone, not to be able to really look and SEE themselves.
