having one of those days...with the snow storm the other day...h was out plowing...left at 4 am after falling asleep infront of the fire...(wasn't sure what he should do in regard to the snow..sleep or stay awake to see what happens) came up to say goodbye to me but of course I was in a fog..dd woke at 5 am (ugh) so I attended to her and coerced her to take a few more winks..h called at 6:30 but aaahhh we were still snoozing so he left a message...h called again at 7:30 and I answered h teased me about still sleeping... said he was dissapointed when he left he wanted a hug but I was to sleepy to acknowledge...shortly after hanging up with h I was greeted at my bedside by son (3) totaly in the buff telling me he had been plunging..so goodmorning to me..had to wipe sons little tush and fix the toilet... the day went fine laundry, meals, playing...and of course the typical baking I seem to be addicted to...h called around 1 and was finnished with the plowing was planning to go to his appartment to take a nap (figured it not to be fair to come here and take a nap as it would dissapoint the kids) so h arrived home (as he calls it now) at about 7:15...I put dd to bed and h played with son..after putting son to bed h and I looked online at our towns site, h wants to volunteer for the fire dept (yes a small town we have volunteer services) as he used to be on the force before we were married but left due to his business needing him more...(h did try to get back on the force but was declined for taking advantage of the personal time allotted him, that may have caused some of the pressure that led to the ow) then h and I sat in front of the fire..h shared a dream he had had during his nap...didn't make a whole lot of sense to me but was nice that he shared it...had to do with him cooking (or heating something up) in a house (not ours) the wall getting hot..then there were some teen boys there the wall was catching fire.. h warns the boys to stay away..trying to call 911 but not working..the wall falls on one of the boys..h lifts it off and then wakes stiff and unnerved... h knows not who the boys represent or anything else for that matter other than it could have something to do with his thinking of going back to firefighting...
so the real reason for my posting today...
negative thoughts.....ow thoughts...what does she mean to him at this point...has he yet seen her for what she is...does he understand what their relationship was...or did he just realize that he loves me and though had these special feelings for her could not leave me??? I don't know. does it matter???? will I ever be fully confident that my h thinks I am special...and the best thing??? some days I feel it and some I do not....can be the simplest thing to set me off...ie. last night h fell asleep on the floor infront of the tv..his cell phone was left in the truck...foolish thoughts this is no big deal...just me feeling insecure... I am all that and h knows it...even more so now!!
cheer me up a bit please...help me to see that h is here for me! Ll
