However. You've been down this road once. There will be a feeling that comes over you... the Dead Calm Moment. I felt exactly how you are feeling when I confronted my xH... never brought it to a head for all the things I feared.
And then I hit Dead Calm. Now... my Dead Calm turned out to be a three day crying jag, with me sleeping on the couch... but still, for me.... that's Dead Calm, you know? All bets were off, I laid it out on the line. I SCREAMED with every ounce of feeling I had in me, and by God, I was going to be HEARD... or I wasn't. And if I wasn't... then... I'd deal.
I have to let you in on a little secret. I'm the biggest chicken-shite, fraidy cat on this board. I will avoid until the cows come home. I will deflect, I will anger, I will blah, blah, blah... because, honey, I have a sheer and utter terror, like you cannot even fathom, of pain. I've become intimately familiar with it.
And look at me. I'm still upright. A few loose-cannon moments, a few stops and starts... a few forrays into the unknown... and viola... lost my training wheels.
Living in fear is no way to live. It consumes you. It takes over and drags your life down into an endless pit of dispare and angst. You live in a perpetually gray area of life.
Let the final straw fall. When it does, you will know it, and you will hit Dead Calm. Then have your convo.
I love ya, guy. You can do this. You WILL find your way, simply because you are one of the smartest, funniest, most capable guys I don't really know.
