i don't know...h seems to think that things go fine and then I let external things effect our r...(ie yesterday received an email from an aquantance who has been sleeping with her babies father for six years even though he got married 5 years ago...bothersome to hear of her makeover and his reaction to it while visiting the shared child, just annoying that people have that little respect for themselves) maybe things do make me crazy and have bad thoughts of our r but maybe I was just tired from having been out all night and day..and drinking to much landed me with a little depression...or perhaps I was just straight up feeling rejected at the fact that he would choose to go out with buddie rather than tourture himself at a casino just cause it would make me happy to have him with me....
anyway some not nice words on my part today...oh I'm famous for it...
got a call on the cell while in dd's doc appt (2 shots boo hoo) bla bla bla how dit go bla bla bla...I will go with you sat and well have a good time...give me a call when you get a chance...
brought tears to my eyes how pathetic am I!!!????
so h is now on his way home to pick up the plow may stay may stay at his appt to get out early for the snow...but did say we'd talk...that I didn't like he said no is not bad just want to help you a bit with your worry...so maybe I'll hear something possitive...
I am trying to be patient and I know this will take time...I just wish I knew what it was h was waiting for...
I don't mind doing my own thing sometimes or h doing his own thing...but if I ask at least for now I'd like to be well recieved...hell for now I should be treated like the queen of the freaken universe for still holding on, even if I'm a little bitchy sometimes but hey the wives of the really really nice guys tend to be bitchy all the time, LL
That's it!...that's our problem! We expect a WHOLE marriage. Our Ss expect that a M should be convenient, emotional connection automatic, and should not require effort! Silly of us to think that the emotional and practical components of a M cannot be broken off in separate pieces. How brain dead we are!!
ok so h comes home...works in yard...I bring kids out to play...h is receptive to them as usual... they love their daddy!!! h is rubbing my shoulders and gives me a warm kiss..so I bring the kids in for dinner and h stays out chopping wood (decided to do it with an ax this year instead of renting the spliter, wants to keep in shape, as if he needs it! ) when we are just about done eating h comes in...son wants to go to play roon with daddy, I suggest he let daddy eat dinner first.. so h eats bla bla bla typical family stuff clean up kids and all that stuff...sooooo the talk h wanted to have with me....
was uncomfortable with going out with my friends cause it's not his environment and in light of the sit...and didn't understand what it meant to me for him to come... also that he is sorry for all that has happend and takes responsibilty for it... he is working his way home...for now he needs to keep the appartment and spend a night or two there...just as it takes time for a r to fall apart it takes time to rebuild and we are taking our time rebuilding...h feels we are in a far better place now then we have been in a long time..I agree with that actually. h wants to come home...wants me to be proud to say that's my man...and knows that right now I am not so proud...I let h know that i am very proud of the man that he is and all that he has accomplished with his life...I am simply not proud of the way he has handled the last few years.
h said he knows i am hurting...as the betrayed partner...but he is hurting also because he knows he was the one who did this and that he will live with forever.
h is trying and I am trying to be patient...I never was very patient.. I was always the one poking her skin after a half hour in the sun to see if I had gotten any color yet...
h is going about things in the right way...he could never have just moved back home and jumped right back into things...i knew that before he wanted to try...it will take time...hey look in just two months I've gone from h wanting a divorce and treating me as no more than the mother of the kids to h spending 5 out of seven nights here with me!!! that is actually a pretty fast pace...so I should once again look at what I have.. though some flowers would be nice too!!! LL
LL: Relax... it is normal to lose patience time to time... but the most important is to know how to look back and note the difference and goals you both had gotten...!!... About both doing your own things, i think we tend to take this personal bc all the things we had lived...!!... and bc we didnt use to do that kind of things before all the bomb... Me and my h never used to et out alone... but now, i can enjoy my own get out with friends as he does... and beleive, since i go out and enjoy a lot, i bother less with his geting out, and feel more happy... Some weeks ago i invite my h to a concert... he doesnt like that artist (Lolita Flores)... and i love her...!!... so he said he didnt want to go... It seems he thought i will not go alone... but guess what...?!!... i went to that concert with a good friend... enjoy it a lot... and he was surprised bc my new actitude... in the past i would get angry and bother him bc he didnt want to go... But right now i accept his decission (even if that decission means not wanting to be with me), and try to enjoy my life...!!... Go ahead... try to relax... and try to think what reactions we have bc all we had lived in our R... sometimes we put bigger the things... There is no problem in both enjoying separate your own space... not if this is not the usual behavior... not if you both enjoy too other moments together...
LL, sounds good!!! Your h is really coming around to what he has probably wanted all along. I agree that taking time to come back would be good. I still envy you guys when I hear these good stories evolving. I know I need to be patient, and hopefully my day will come that I can say h wants to piece it all back, or that he hugged me. Hang in there, enjoy life! Sue
so when we last tuned into the soap opera that is ll's life.... no just kidding
I don't recall what I last posted about so I'll just start from sundays game...h picked me up at the hotel and we drove down to foxburo and had a good time (h say's I tied one on, well when in rome ya know) while there made plans with other friends to have them come over on wed night... tue night h didn't stay here as he had to plow so took advantage of the appartment being in that area so as not to sit up here wondering if it's snowing down there...got home wed night at about 9 with 250$ worth of stuff to stock our new bar...the friends that came over were already here...(one of h's highschool buddies and his wife, her brother and friends brother) so the wives and the brothers played cards then we (wives) wanted to play darts with our h's...h's sat on couch watching tv....so says I "good thing you brought these guys to entertain your wives for ya"... h's reply that I heard..."well maybe I'll find someone to be my wife so you don't have to" I didn't explode but I did say "oh no you didn't just say that" turns out what h actually said was well maybe someday I'll find someone to do my work for me (h had been out plowing the snow and was TIRED. oh well no big deal...yeah it bothered me for a bit but what can ya do...they did end up playing and we kicked their butts...
turkey day....we (h kids and I) drove down to my aunt and uncles for dinner (I was nice and let h watch the game, h was nice and helped with dd during dinner, I forgot her seat so she had to sit or rather squirm on his lap) then we drove to h's uncles for a bit then brought the kiddos home and put them to bed....lit a fire and sat infront of it (h watched footbal and I didn't complain as I was tired anyway) h gave me a back rub and attempted more but I was just not feeling it (just not the right time) h understood, so we ended up cuddling infront of the fire and both fell asleep til 3 am when h woke me (that's a switch) and we tumbled up to bed...this am I let h stay in bed til 9 while I attended to the kiddos (h has been waking with dd, part to help him get his butt out of bed and part to give me a few extra winks) made his tea bla bla bla...h had to go into work for a bit...(before I would have questioned it but I heard him speaking to a few of his guys and they were already at the shops working at cleaning up the trucks and whatnot from the storm...h has no secretary so he has to go to the office to do the billing. h called at 1 to say hello and ask if it was snowing up here too...it was...said he'd be up later (learning to not expect him so when he says he's comming I am pleasantly surprized) well I packed up the kiddos and treked off to walmart uhhhh!! maddness there just to get diapers and household stuff...but did peak at some things I'd like to go back and get for the kiddos!!
came home and got some dinner cooking...started to wonder why i wasn't hearing from h...it got to be after six and still no call...in the past I would have called and asked where he was and when he'd be home...well I started to put the kids to bed and at about 7 30 the phone rings...I don't answer.. h leaves a message he's on his way do I want him to get a movie?? (he's been down in lexington plowing (i know his phone doesn't work there) or sanding)...asks me to call back..I don't I go off to give son a bath...phone rings again...and then again...I continue with son put him to bed and then go down to check the messages... 3 messages withing 15 min??? 1st saying he's on his way, where he had been, do i want him to pick up a movie. 2nd. just went past the movie place so have 5 min for him to turn around...also do i want him to get chinese food? call me will ya 3rd. I'm just calling cause I called and no one answered will someone call me back and I know the kids wont..
gee someone getting ancy huh... not used to me being at your full disposal???
anyway, i called h back and let him know i was with the kids...h babbles on and on...he's on his way do I want him to pick up chinese... I says if you want it we can get some sure..I will light a fire...
let him know that i had been worrying about him when I didn't hear from him...thought he might have stopped by his appartment and fallen asleep or something...
LL, Your sitch sounds really good. I am so happy for you. I am hopeful that I will someday be able to post such happy stories. Keep up the good work!...and be sure to keep giving input to the rest of us who are still in the Mushroom (fed crap and kept in the dark) stages.
Yes, LL it does sound good. You know what ya have to do or not do to keep it piecing back.You have been an inspiration to me for sure.Have a great weekend. Sue
) when we are just about done eating h comes in...son wants to go to play roon with daddy, I suggest he let daddy eat dinner first.. so h eats bla bla bla typical family stuff clean up kids and all that stuff...sooooo the talk h wanted to have with me....