LL, don't you think the thoughts will always be there to some degree? Somewhere along the paths we are taking we have to make the choices to forgive, not for the people that have hurt us, but for us. We will never forget what we have had to endure.How can we, but learning to forgive and find the good in all that we have found out about ourselves will make the bad memories fade a bit more. I truly believe God has a plan for us(I won't get all religious!!)He has given us these challenges in life and the strength to get through. Boy I think I rambled on too much. I feel good things for you, you are so strong. Sue
LL: You are doing great... and you will see how much you can win each day...!!... you can do it babe...!... with or without him (i like so much thats BONO song)... but always with your kids and enjoying a terrific life...!!... hang in there
had a nice weekend, went to wedding with my mother and had fun with all the people from the old neighborhood...h called and left message on cell phone while I was in the church, thanking me for the dinner I had left in the fridge..I called back when we got to the hotel to let him know what room we were in...called again about 10pm to say hi (he was "threatend" by my being at the wedding without him, silly) h called at 2 am to say goodnight..he was out with a friend..had gone to a brewery for a few beers and then to a diner for breakfast thus the 2 am call...in the am h came to hotel to pick me up to go to football game...had a nice time at the game...then came home put son to bed and then played an interesting game of darts with h..(wont give details of the game but let's just say it was interesting)
h mentioned that today (monday) he had to blow out a few more sprinkler systems...I asked if he was the only one doing that or if he let some of his guys do it too...he said one of his guys did a few...(h didn't really get what I was asking) h had another employee take care of ow's house...i asked if ow's house will be serviced next year and he said probably not...i let him know that i know this is hard for him...but told him to think of it as alchohol...h understood..i let him know that though it is hard on him it is ten times harder on me...he understood taht is because i was "kept in the dark about the r" h hugged me and said sorry. woke this am h made my tea...and gave me lots of big hugs when he left for work... I let h know last night that I will not always bring this stuff up...he understands that...
so things are going well....of course i have questions that run through my head..some will get answers and some will not (they really are not all that important anyway) so now there are just two things I wait for...1-h to re-propose and 2- h to move home.. hopefully this wont take too long.. LL
thank you everyone for stopping by to check on me...hope you all had a good weekend too!!
Way to go!!! I am glad things are working out for you through your patience, persistence and sensibility. Your goals are actually pretty close already. Have a wonderful day and enjoy your H's company.
Excellent goal....maybe also require that your restate you wedding vows in a marriage-like setting. Make him understand that this time it's for keeps! This is after he moves back home obviously.
Quoting lostlove: then came home put son to bed and then played an interesting game of darts with h..(wont give details of the game but let's just say it was interesting)
was OW's picture up on the dartboard or did you hit his unit by accident? or was this a game of "strip darts"?
LL, dart game sounds fun.....You have come so far, again I envy you for your strength.You have shown me that with time and patience, it is possible to get back what seems at times tp be lost. I hope all goes uphill from here. The proposal thing sounds nice. I thought of that not too long ago, that next Sept. will be 25 yrs for us, and wouldn't it be nice if things were going good enough that h would want to recommit. Of course I won't hold my breath, just a dream. There are many more important things to think about than that. Enjoy the new h that seems to be coming back to you. Sue
hello all, things go well, things just go, sometimes I forget that this is a man who is "trying" and who isn't totaly knowlegable as to how to be a h. it is the simple things that get to me... this comming sat night my friends are going to one of the casino's in conneticut to celebrate two birthdays and to just have fun...I don't gamble at all but should be fun anyway we're renting a van and making a night of it... h was invited as well. I mentioned it to h a few weeks ago...he said maybe...he no longer likes to gamble (strange it's all he used to want to do when we were away on vacations) I let him know that I also don't care to gamble (never did) but would be going to see the place and have fun.. still no answer from him... I asked my mom to baby sit in case I had to leave before h could get home from work (still works on saturdays) and if he was comming to could she stay to watch the kids...she says sure..so last night either I bring it up or h does...h doesn't want to come...will probably go out for a few beers with his buddie (same buddie he always hangs with now same buddie he went out this past sat til 3am with and will not come here after while my ride further I will come home) so of course instead of me accepting that he just doesn't want to gamble I take it personally, I look at it not as a night to go out and gamble but a night to spend out with me seeing a new place.. h still doesn't want to go...it bothers me... I find it strange that h addmitted to feeling threatend by my going to the wedding alone (I already know all those guys and am looked at as the little sister) yet letting me go off to a casino unescorted is no threat? does not even want to take advantage of the fact that it is an evening out that he doesn't even have to plan.. I suppose I shouldn't care...I'll go, dressed nice, have fun with my friends, be flirted with by strange men (hey after all h still hasn't asked me to put my rings back on)and come home to a nice big empty bed and not have to deal with his groping hands. h will go out with his big fat buddie sit and drink beer and go home to an empty little appartment by himself. ya good choice h..real good choice... h apparently does not know that sometimes you go to places you wouldn't nessisarily go not because you want to go there but because you want to be with the person who asked you to go...guess h just doesn't want to be with me..and I honestly am getting tired of it... I don't ask him to do much... I go out with my friends and don't invite him...thought this would be a nice opportunity for us to enjoy eachother see a new place but h doesn't see it that way.. pisses me off...h sometimes has all the right words and other times is an ass...h slept on the couch...i came down after a bit of being annoyed trying to sleep and said to him..."i don't like having to be annoyed and sleeping alone simply because I'm bothered by the fact that you don't want to go somewhere with me" h says "i;ll be up in a min" (was half asleep) but to no avail...h stays asleep and does not come up to bed (not that he would be well recieved after not having much to say about it... so this am...more pretending like nothing happend...like there were no words...annoying to me...so I let h know that if it we were goin dancing or kareokee or something that I know he hates I would not have asked but it bothers me that he will not go to a casino with me that i take it personally (ya i know I shouldn't) also that if this were two years ago it probably wouldn't bother me but this is now and things are currently a bit different... it should not be a problem for him if I go out...i after all am not the one who had an affair ea or otherwise...i am not the one who is unsure of my commitment to the r (keep this [censored] up and I will be) anyway...h no doubt will still not come because even if he now thinks better of the message it sends now it would be percieved as him just going to appease me and he wouldn't want to send that message...so another opportunity for a fun evening out with h lost... what kind of r is this going to be anyway...I go out with my friends...h goes out with his buddie...and we just hang out at home together??? I don't know LL
Quote: what kind of r is this going to be anyway...I go out with my friends...h goes out with his buddie...and we just hang out at home together??? I don't know
I wonder the same thing concerning my W. Except for activities with the kids, she (at present) has no interest in doing anything with me solo except for having OR talks where she can likely vent against me to her heart's content. What does the future hold? Who knows...
We both want a whole marriage - we deserve it and our spouses deserve it (regardless how we may feel at the moment). Although we are (and always will be) works in progress, we are complete people - we don't need our spouses to validate us. So I hope that you have a great time exploring on Saturday night with your friends and are able to have some fun. I'm comtemplating a visit out to Colorado with some other DBers at the beginning of February - looking more likely that I will go and have a great time with some great people.
I am glad things are working out for you through your patience, persistence and sensibility. Your goals are actually pretty close already. Have a wonderful day and enjoy your H's company.
SI 