hello all, things go well, things just go, sometimes I forget that this is a man who is "trying" and who isn't totaly knowlegable as to how to be a h. it is the simple things that get to me... this comming sat night my friends are going to one of the casino's in conneticut to celebrate two birthdays and to just have fun...I don't gamble at all but should be fun anyway we're renting a van and making a night of it... h was invited as well. I mentioned it to h a few weeks ago...he said maybe...he no longer likes to gamble (strange it's all he used to want to do when we were away on vacations) I let him know that I also don't care to gamble (never did) but would be going to see the place and have fun.. still no answer from him... I asked my mom to baby sit in case I had to leave before h could get home from work (still works on saturdays) and if he was comming to could she stay to watch the kids...she says sure..so last night either I bring it up or h does...h doesn't want to come...will probably go out for a few beers with his buddie (same buddie he always hangs with now same buddie he went out this past sat til 3am with and will not come here after while my ride further I will come home) so of course instead of me accepting that he just doesn't want to gamble I take it personally, I look at it not as a night to go out and gamble but a night to spend out with me seeing a new place.. h still doesn't want to go...it bothers me... I find it strange that h addmitted to feeling threatend by my going to the wedding alone (I already know all those guys and am looked at as the little sister) yet letting me go off to a casino unescorted is no threat? does not even want to take advantage of the fact that it is an evening out that he doesn't even have to plan.. I suppose I shouldn't care...I'll go, dressed nice, have fun with my friends, be flirted with by strange men (hey after all h still hasn't asked me to put my rings back on)and come home to a nice big empty bed and not have to deal with his groping hands. h will go out with his big fat buddie sit and drink beer and go home to an empty little appartment by himself. ya good choice h..real good choice... h apparently does not know that sometimes you go to places you wouldn't nessisarily go not because you want to go there but because you want to be with the person who asked you to go...guess h just doesn't want to be with me..and I honestly am getting tired of it... I don't ask him to do much... I go out with my friends and don't invite him...thought this would be a nice opportunity for us to enjoy eachother see a new place but h doesn't see it that way.. pisses me off...h sometimes has all the right words and other times is an ass...h slept on the couch...i came down after a bit of being annoyed trying to sleep and said to him..."i don't like having to be annoyed and sleeping alone simply because I'm bothered by the fact that you don't want to go somewhere with me" h says "i;ll be up in a min" (was half asleep) but to no avail...h stays asleep and does not come up to bed (not that he would be well recieved after not having much to say about it... so this am...more pretending like nothing happend...like there were no words...annoying to me...so I let h know that if it we were goin dancing or kareokee or something that I know he hates I would not have asked but it bothers me that he will not go to a casino with me that i take it personally (ya i know I shouldn't) also that if this were two years ago it probably wouldn't bother me but this is now and things are currently a bit different... it should not be a problem for him if I go out...i after all am not the one who had an affair ea or otherwise...i am not the one who is unsure of my commitment to the r (keep this [censored] up and I will be) anyway...h no doubt will still not come because even if he now thinks better of the message it sends now it would be percieved as him just going to appease me and he wouldn't want to send that message...so another opportunity for a fun evening out with h lost... what kind of r is this going to be anyway...I go out with my friends...h goes out with his buddie...and we just hang out at home together??? I don't know LL
