I took some time off the boards. I also spent some time fasting and praying. I feel that my spiritual life is lacking. I wonder if I have enough faith. Sometimes I think my lack of faith is why things have turned out this way. I know not that it is my fault but I think I wanted more peace about things.
I do think I got my answers. I know I told God way in the begining of this whole thing that I would wait it out. I think He is holding me to that. I can't seem to walk away. I have tried. But every time I look for answers it seems to lead me back to standing.
I did grieve and will continue to grieve the end of this m. I am starting a new life without h in it. It has already been in progress. It no longer feels like I am missing something when h is not around. I certaintly don't wait for him to bail me out of situations or even ask for his help if I can avoid it.
I painted my kitchen, I steam cleaned my carpets. I am starting a new home based business. I am preparing to start school full time. Getting all my ducks in a row. I am clearing clutter. I am going to work on my ds room next and then the daycare. Can't wait I am having a wine and cheese party this weekend. For ladies only. I am taking my ds to Disneyland. I spent 4 and half hours getting passports.I have a new neice and have to get busy planning a baby shower. So I am having a good time and I am busy.
As for h. Well he can't seem to let go of me. Within two days of his d email he was talking to me. He moves close to me when he gets the chance. I have been trying to avoid him but sometimes I have no choice. He does not come to the house but he drives by.
I asked him to come with me to the notary so I could get a letter allowing me to take the ds without him over the boarder. He was happy to come and even paid for the letter. He also told me he was renewing his car insurance and it was going to come out of his account instead of mine. I did thank him but it was hard for those words to come out as it is something he should do anyway. So d4 and I made him banana bread and I attached a short thank you to it. He is still pursuing. He called me on Friday about nothing important and again I ran into him this morning. He stopped to talk to me even though I did not have either of the ds.
So all this talk of moving on and he is the one that can't seem to. He thinks that he just has to menion d a few times and it will be done for him. I think he wants me to make the decision for him. Whatever.
