ok lot's to say...last night before i left for the movie h kissed dd and then me on the forehead (was a nice kiss) so then as h was getting dd's mile ready I hugged him and cried a little, h hugged me back tight... i left went to the movie... the ring... scared the hell out of me...on the way home I called h to see if he was awake..told him i was freaked he laughed and said ok well frasier is on...come home...on the way home h called to tell me what was happening in the show.. i asked him to meet me at the door cause i was scared..he did but was inside the door so he scared me..we sat infront of the fire and watched the rest of the show.. s woke and snuck downstairs so we both went and put him back up to bed...we sat and talked a bit about nothing in general felt good, i had a couple glasses of wine and relaxed a bit.. then layed down infront of the fire next to h... h pulled me up closer saying come her ms akward... I said what... he said you just can't get comfortable... i said now or ever.. h says ever but now especially... i said... i don't know if i'm supposed to get comfortable...h said you are..so we layed together on the floor h rubbing my back looking at me (eyes) then kissing me...(the kisses themselves had him tranced or something) so things go from there... h says "you are so sexy do you know that" (well kinda but didn't know he thought so) after we sat infront of the fire again and h stared into my eyes rubbing my hair and looking at me then hugs me and says "im sorry" trembling.. i say it's ok.. he says no it's not... i say you'll be ok... h says i want you to be ok too... more hugging and then h says let's go up to bed and cuddle...so we took a shower together h washed my back... then we kissed the sleeping cherubs a final goodnight and went to sleep h holding me in his arms.. this am h again made me tea...and before leaving gave me a big hug.
I have realized somethings...the most important being...we both have been hididng some of our feelings from eachother for a while....I never shared with him my frustrations of caring for our children... sorry to admit it but being at home alone all day with babbies can wear on you and any parent knows they can do things that push your buttons...h and i talk to eachother now about the kids and not just the simple oh they are so cute...
I am not sure where things are going or how today will go but last night was a good night with h even before the hugging even before his "sorry".
there is more in my head but that is all i can get out right now.
