Well, I found out she was having an affair. Since May, it has not been physical. In May of 2006 she slept with him twice in a hotel, during the work day. She has been talking to him daily,before and since May, mostly about work stuff, and as a "friend" according to her. She says she confessed everything to me. She said they were intimate twice last May, when the two of us were barely speaking because I was so wrapped up in work stuff, she turned 50 and felt Old, he was so attentive, and she was sure I did not love her anyway. She said she stopped it because it felt wrong, awkward, and very uncomfortable. Now that I caught her in the act of talking to him all of the time, and she has confessed all, (I hope it is all) she now says all of our lack of intimacy has been due to her guilt. I said I was going to leave her unless she quit her job, and never spoke to him again. She convinced me she could work for the same company, and not see him or talk to him at her current employer because he works across town. She has been with the same firm for 28 years. She said she would never speak to him again, would resign from all of the committies they are both on, and she wanted to save our marriage. I asked her to call him in front of me and tell him to never call her again. She did. Then, I called him and told him if he ever calls her again, I would call his wife. (He is married and has 3 small children) I made it perfectly clear that I had a zero tolerance for any contact, even if it is only on a professional level. I asked her why she did not tell me until I caught her in the act. She said, she was afraid that I could not forgive her. She also said that things had been so good in our relationship since I did all of the 180's over the last three months since she dropped the bomb, that she was afraid to risk causing me to get angry, and revert back to the old, angry me. She also said, she was afraid I would go into a rage, like I have done in the past, and hurt him or even kill him. After this 3 hour talk/ confession, all of the physical things and intimacy in our relationship returned almost like throwing a switch. She would not sit near me before, now she was sitting on me. Last night, she came to me and asked me to come to bed and make love to her. (It was great for both of us) This morning, she promised again to never talk to him, and said she was 100% committed to me and our marriage. She thanked me for forgiving her, and said she would be the kind of wife I deserve. I told her I would be the kind of husband she deserved. Can this be real? Could this all be the truth? Could it really be like throwing a switch? If I just forgive her, and get by the fact that my wife slept with another man, all of our other problems become repairable? I would love for this to be the case, because I can forgive her. I can't forget but I can rise above it. I will not allow myself to get angry to the point of hurting him. I won't even call his wife, (unless he does not stop calling my wife) because of his small children. I don't want to hurt them just because their father is a unfaithful pri##.
