I am not easily offended chuck, infact I welcome the oppinions and thoughts of others round here.....
i just don't know what I am to do.....I don't need to be special to someone I want to be special to someone...H used to be someone special to me... but at last I see that the place I held him was not deserved... he is but a man... there is nothing special about him.... the things I once thought so wonderful about him he has proved he is not... I accepted his lagging libido...accepted the total lack of romanticisim figured these things fade in all r's... but the things I always held onto most were that h is loyal and honorable.... these two very important things I have found to be completely false...
I am tired of waisting my time on a man who I'm not so sure deserves it anymore.... there once was a time (long long ago) when I thought I didn't deserve him, that he was a gift to me.... that was then.... slowly slowly he turned into a person who was just there, i went from being "someone special" (actaully h gave me a heart shaped charm saying so many many years ago before m) to just being someone who was there.
I don't want to be with someone who is not sure if they want to be with me or not. I deserve much more than that. I am tired of holding onto this man and i am tired of not being able to give the love I hold inside me to give to someone... dbing is great and all but I don't want that kind of r... I want to share my feelings, I want to say ily to someone and know it is ok to say it... I want a real r, this is a joke and I am tired of being the clown that I do not need to be.... before i married h there were plenty of men who told me not to marry, hell there where plenty of men who appreciated the person i am and would do anything for me... h always had me and stopped, yes he is still nice, still makes tea bla bla bla but i am tired of not knowing i want romance and i dont have it here, h has forgotten or doesn't want to give it to me anymore..
i want to go home!!! but no longer know where home is. LL
