New here - W unwilling to work on it

[30andLost]

Go Fish, I'll respond more to your post later today when I have some time. For now I need to confess a slip.

I slipped today from the DB tactics and my new control of self. I watched the kids last night because she worked so when she came home this morning I wanted to talk. I had been feeling REALLY lost for the past two days and just wanted to know if there was hope. I lost sight of the fact that hope lies in the fact she hasn't filed for divorce. I also lost sight of the fact that only God knows the outcome of our situation and nothing I can do right now can help it, I can only hurt it.

So anyways, I slipped because I told her that I missed her, not just recently or on a specific day, but that I miss her in general. I also told her that "I think you already know this but, I really want to come home." She responded with "I think you know that I don't want you to come home." I also told her that I was just feeling lost. She responded by telling me thats exactly how she felt when her husband of 14 years walked out on her to go to OW. And that I will never understand the pain I have caused her. I told her I know what I did and I am sorry for it and that is why I'm working so hard to never hurt her like that again. I also just said that I think we can fix this. And that was it. She was going to bed and I was realizing how bad I was slipping so as hard as it was, I just walked away and left her alone.

I am going to apologize to her for my slip and not listening to her wishes when I drop the boys off today. Nothing major or groveling, just telling her "I realize what I did, it was wrong, I violated your space, I'm sorry, I will continue to work so that it doesn't happen again."

One slip, I just can't let it derail me and I must get back on track.

Thanks for listening...