Need advice

[want2believe]

Journaling....

Can't sleep. WAH went back this is place tonight after staying here at the house for over a week straight. He said he'd be back over tomorrow night, but it didn't sound like he planned on staying here. I'm not surprized. He mentioned he be going back to his place tonight a couple of days ago. The weather's gotten a little better, and he believes his block heater is working, just not very well when it gets really cold. I just
said "OK" when he told me. I think WAH was looking for me to say something else, but I didn't. It's his choice. Either he wants to be here with us or he doesn't.

WAH has changed some though. He has been actively working on figuring out the trim for the house, something I've been waiting 15 years to happen. We were getting along fine, but I still felt like H is distant at times. I feel like I'm not only one working at trying to make this M work. Plus, H keeps talking in "I", and "me" sentences. Like today he mentioned he wants to fly out to Oregon to see his daughter. I eventually asked him, "So, are we ever going to take a vacation together?". At which point, H surprized me and said "Sure. When do the boys have their next break from school? Let's take a week off and go visit her." It was great to hear, but I also couldn't let myself to get too excited. I knew there were things we'd need to workout with the business to do this. Sure enough, a few minutes later, H comes in and mentions the business issues. I didn't say anything - it really wasn't a good time to talk about it anyway, as we were both at the business and it was busy.
WAH did leave his clothes here though, although his dirty clothes are (and have been) on the floor in our bedroom. I told him a few days ago, if he wanted them washed, he could put them in the laudary, but he hasn't. He can pick up after himself, same as I make the boys do.

BTW, I still haven't seen his place, nor do I now where exactly he lives yet. H told my 3 weeks ago, he'd have me over last weekend. Nothing though.

I'm also feeling a little stressed out lately. Work has been hectic. Ended up working a lot at the business this weekend, that I really wasn't expecting to do, and didn't get hardly anything done at home. Told the boys I'd take them to the movies this weekend, and that didn't happen. I also totally forgot and missed my son's baseball practice tonight, and it was a special training practice with someone coming in to help them with hitting. I feel so bad about that. I also haven't talked to anyone in my family for a few weeks, especially my mom, and I need to do that. Except for my brother and his wife, no one knows yet that H moved out 5 months ago. H did say my mom called today, but it was too late to call her back by the time I had some free time, plus I was tired. Got a ton of things to try and get done tomorrow. Need to find a sub for volleyball also. It'll be late notice, but hopefully I'll find someone to sub for me.

OK. I think that's it. Just had to get a few things off my mind so hopefully I can get some sleep. Weird how it doesn't take long again to get use to H being around. Luckily my cat's in a cuddly mood right now. Bottom line, things are looking better, and I'm trying to focus on that. I just don't want too get my hopes up too much though for obvious reasons.