H and I had a HUGE talk today - major issues about him being so secretive. He says its just the way he is and has always been that way - I say its a problem that will always be an issue if we don't deal with it.
It all started with me questioning him about his Visa bill -its what I would consider excessively high as we usually pay them off every month (his is around $7,000 at this point but was much higher). He usually takes care of the finances (which was an easy way out when the OW was involved) so I know there was probably a lot of money spent that I will never know about but that's a whole other story (in the past). I wanted to know why his Visa was so high, he didn't want to tell me and said if it was going to be a sticking point with us and I was going to push the issue, he was going to push back. I called him on it and said "what does that mean". He said, "are you going to keep pushing me about it because, if you are, we might as well go our separate ways now because its the principal of the matter and I won't be pushed." I retaliated with, "yes it's the principal of the matter and being I contribute to the bills being paid around here, I have just as much of a right to know what our money is being spent on as you do". That was the condensed version - we went back and forth for at least 45 minutes until finally he admitted that a fair chunk of that money was spent on OW - fine!! That's all he had to say in the first place. I just think he didn't want to have to admit it to me because that would mean actually having to feel humiliated about having spent money on OW when I work so hard to save and conserve our money.
Well, only a matter of 5-10 minutes later he came into my office and said "you're stubborn you know" - with a smile on his face. I said, "so are you but I love you anyway". He said he loved me too. Things are still strained (a little) but at least I feel we have moved over a BIG molehill. I know we still have a long, long way to go right now but at least we go to see the C tomorrow, which is another plus.
Has anyone dealt with CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) before? C wants to try it out on my husband (for his depression due to what he feels is post traumatic stress disorder). I have read a fair amount on the internet about it and it seems positive but it would be nice to hear feedback from someone that has experienced it. Anyone?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
