Karen... I believe what brought this up is that I have been thinking about reclaiming healthy sexual energy; I've been on that slippery slope at times in terms of dark thoughts, and I am ready to interconnect love and sex again. I want to stay away from the bad stuff, and I started thinking about how sexuality can get twisted and sick, and this memory came to mind.
I am happy you are peacefully recovering from the accident trauma...it's good you are getting the feelings out, and I would say to get back in the driver's seat asap. I think you are entirely too hard on yourself; it's very clear how much you love your H, and you present him as a loving man. You showed incredible patience, in my mind, during that dry spell the past few months. It's okay to get real about your needs. I hope you manage to get away for a little break...soon you will be one busy mama!
BF...That's a good question ( about whether I will tell H about the incident). I tend to be too in my head and don't come forward enough, so if I truly want the intimacy that I say I do, I will have to learn to disclose myself to H better. We shall see....
NotAtlDave... These episodes have a twilight zone feel to them. It's funny you should reappear, because I just made the point to BF that I should talk about difficult stuff with H more, and you have stated how we can use this BB as a barrier to intimacy. I do find it helps to organize and express my thoughts here...I just need to take the next step.
As far as these incidents go, I imagine they are all " grist for the mill" in terms of our personal growth...it's good to reflect, and then move on. What I am taking from my experience is to speak up more...perhaps you can find something positive to take with you as well.
