How many of you are in a situation where your spouse is getting the best of both worlds? Fidelity, stability, family, etc at home and fantasy sex and ucky foo conversation from OP? "Have cake, will eat" as it were.
Surely there is some info we could share that would help us shore one another up...What has worked for you? What bit you in the ass the worst, etc?
My situation: in the past spouse had one EA but never really admitted it, although it was pointed out to her in therapy. We worked through that. Then she went through a short phase of "ILYBNILWY" and pulled away (nobody else in the picture)and got over that as well. Then boom: last spring PA, admitted it right away and was moving on. Until it came time to tell D7. Then changed her tune. Can't give up OP but wants our family, just not sex with me. (an ego boost, yesirree) It was quite obvioius that I was to be the "bad guy" and throw her out but oops, I didn't. Then she offered to leave any time I told her she should. Oops, I didn't. I have talked to Dottie, DB coach, and her advice is don't move or make her move. Her presence says something her words don't. IF SHE WANTED TO BE GONE SHE WOULD. But meanwhile how long do I get smacked around knowing she sleeps out once a week? They have broken up and reunited several times and I'm sure there's another biggie brewing soon because OW ain't getting the committment she wants. They both know it won't work but OW has nothing if she breaks it off. I have ten years invested and hope for spouse growing up IF she will face her childhood demons.
I am getting to the point where I am going to have to start taking a stand. I read everything I could get my hands on and concensus was try for at least a year so you won't feel you gave up too soon. The end of my year is April...and she wants to go on family vacation the end of March...arggghhhhhhh!!!!!
Opinions? What are your stories like? I know many are in this very boat. Anybody had any real successes? These types of people/affairs are so frustrating because I truly believe they involve more denial on the cheaters part. They truly live in fantasy land. Ultimatums are not reccommended but WTF....I'll know when it's over? I'll wake up one day completely dead inside and that will finish it? arggghhhh Speak of fellow cake plates.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
