Okay quick info. Wife said she wanted seperation and has no more feelings for me and unable to live under same roof. During the past couple months she had been carrying around her cell phone like it was her life. Confronted her and OM and they denied affair. OM in a broked marriage and only together for their 2 kids. I left the house on my own free will with being under impression she would think about relationship. I have 2 kids ages 3 & 6. I have seen his truck in driveway early morning (on call job) and know full well they are having an affiar. I have been gone for about 2 weeks now but I just can't stand the thought of those 2 in the house. 6yr old said that she has seen them kiss (not on lips) and being close. Plus, house is paid off and was done by my parents. I basically gave her everything that she wanted, house, 2 kids and OM. I just can not sit and be paitent as DB says. I need to be assertive on this. I am prepairing to move back in and state that you wanted seperation, refused to seek counseling to try and work on marriage, not telling kids truth on why I am gone and having an affiar. If you want out of my life then use the door and go, I am staying! Thoughts??
One question? Why are you living somewhere else? There is no way I would have moved out. If she is the one having the A, and doesn't want to live with you, then SHE can leave. There is no way you should have to leave your house, your children, your life, just because SHE is the one that is not happy. If she wants to make some changes in her life, why are YOU the one accommodating her?
Just my opinion, of course.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well, you aren't in denial about it now are you? I is obvious what she is doing and you are enabling her. So,get your butt back into that house, into the game and your life back on track!
Your kids need their dad. You need to feel secure in your own home and SHE is the one that needs to make some serious decisions. Right now she is getting her cake, icing and the sprinkles.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I do agree with this to a major point. However, my concern is that if I kick her out there will be no turning back for her. I have a major plus on my side here (secret wepon). I went to her parents first (and cryed my eyes out) I did give both sides to the story and state that I have not provided her quality time and have become a bore with job and life. However, both of them were more than supportive and called W a dreamer and was asking what she was thinking. On Wednesday W goes shopping w/MIL and will talk. It will be intersting to see what traspires. I am thinking if she does not say anything to me on Wed night - she is out of the house on Thursday.
Umm, how do you get her out of the house? What if she says she is staying too? What then? As I always say, those who leave their home and kids without any legal agreement in place are putting themselves in a bad position. W can screw you around custody etc cuz YOU LEFT! Get back there but just be aware of the possibilities and have a game plan. You can't bodily throw her out or you'll be in the back of a cop car. And you might want to check and see whether she can legally bar you from the home, YOU LEFT so you don't live there anymore!
She clearly stated that we can not live together under one roof - too stressfull for her and she is unhappy. When I say kick her out of the house I am only stating that with authority I tell her that I am comming back home. One thing with me leaving, we actually talked about this and I asked her if she would think about our relationship and I moved out could this help. She said yes. Then one week later said that she simply gave in to me on this and never thought about it. If she does stay, this will actually give me a chance to use the DB tools to attempt to show her that I have changed. Also, this has only been since Jan 29th that I have been gone. But far too long.
Just want you clear headed when you go back into the fray! You mentioned that you also have a very young family and I know how taxing that is on a marriage! The "family" becomes everything and you end up complacently thinking that your vows are forever and it becomes easy to forget about the romance. You're both so tired anyway, it seems OK. Live and learn. Keep us posted, I'm rooting for you!
I just want you to know that I left for the same reason, she said she needed time and I gave it to her. Her time is up, I've been out for 6 months and on thurs. I am moving back in. I am scared like any one else would be. but Whatisis is right, you shouldn't of left and the advice I got in my thread from muddles and whatisis helped me a lot. You should read my thread and see what advice I got. I have been happier and stronger in the past two days and thats what you need to be. Don't give up, just give her the choice up front. Let her leave and be miserable w/o the kids. Thats what I am hoping for. My W to realize that family is more important than having an affair. Your right she will only see your changes if she is around you all the time. Thats what I am hoping for. GOD be with you. Good Luck
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Thank you for the support. In talking to some other people as well I have been advised it would be a good idea to talk to a lawyer to assure things are done properly and things looked out for. One thing that I somewhat overlooked was what if she does not want to leave when I move in. She is obviously having an affiar and has yet to admit this to me. As of now I am an anger stage with the situation on what is going inside my own house. Is it wrong for me to want to see her suffer due to what she has put me through?
