I'm glad you are coming to an understanding of what you are going through. When you reach a level of higher consciousness, everything begins to make sense.
I believe we all are dealing with surpressed emotions, whether we are conscious of it or not.
The emotions we are feeling while dealing with our MLC spouse are the same emotions we felt when we were children. The emotions, the feelings are the same.
Much of what we experienced and felt as children is buried within us. For the MLC spouse, these emotions have come to the surface and are very raw. These emotions and feelings are causing them great pain.
The reason for them running away is their attempt to avoid the pain and thinking by running away it will disapear. Reality is, it will not.
This pain will folow them for the rest of their life, until they face it head on. They can not drown it in alcohol, smother it with food, lessen it's grip on them by shopping, gambling working more hours or having sex. These are simply "drugs of choice" which the MLC spouse believes is the answer to heal their pain.
You to have emotional pain from the past, just as all LBS do. Most LBS think the issues are with their MLC spouse. The truth is, the issues and emotional pain from the past are within them as well as their husband or wife.
I realize I am no different than my XW or my current wife. Each of us have our own bagage from the past. The issues for most of us are much the same.
As children, we often did not get our NEEDS met. We felt rejected, abandoned, alone, not good enough, unloved and many other negative emotions on some level. Some of us experienced these emotions and feelings on a very high level as our parents were either alcoholics or had other addicitions. Every family was dysfunctional to some degree.
Our parents, and their parents before them did not know how to deal with their emotions and feelings. We've never been given the guidebook to dealing with human emotions and human interaction.
All most of us had was what was past down from previous generations through outdated and misunderstood beliefs. We believed these understandings of our emotions and learned to supress them and not face them head on.
Why did we do this? Fear and doubt. It is the world we came from and have lived in for far to long.
The new world in whcih we are evolving is filled with love and trust. That is what has been missing all these years.
Today's world is still filled with fear and doubt. Fear and doubt are very powerful and are used by people to control others.
Fear and doubt is what "external power" thrives on in controlling and manipulating others to get the outcome one wants.
External power no longer works. It is being faced by great resisteance worldwide. The uprisings we see across the world are all about people fighting back from being manipulated and controled.
The people of the world are going through their own MLC individually and collectively.
The whole world is going through a major transformation or conscious awakening. The United States is meeting major resistance in all parts of the world by our attempt of external power by means of manipulation and control of others to get the outcome we want. We believe we are 'right" and know what others want and need. What others want is to be understood, to be listened to, to be respected, to be valued and appreciated as important, to be allowed to have their own beliefs even if they differ from others.
These are the sdame needs of our MLC spouses. The world is speaking up just like our MLC spouses and saying "No more." Our MLC spouses are fighting back to be heard, listened to, validated for their feelings and trying to gain respect for themselves.
The pain is so deep and strong that people are acting out towards others to heal the pain that is within them. Our MLC spouses are known for acting out with their words and behaviors that hurt us in their attempt to heal their pain.
They believe, subconsciously and maybe consciously, that in order to lessen their pain they need to cause pain in others. It initially makes them feel better, but eventually they realize that by hurting someone else, they are actually hurting themselves as well.
We are all connected. What I do to others I am doing to myself. What goes around comes around. Sound familiar?
What we project, is what's returned to us. If we project anger, than ager comes back to us. If we project love, than love comes back to us.
As we give, therefore we shall recieve. It is a universal truth that can be seen and used in all aspects of our lives. The more I give, the more I recieve.
My love that I project to others comes back to me tenfold. For me to experience love from others, I first have to give love to others. You can not recieve what you do not first give.
We withold love from people when they don't meet our needs or expectations and then complain when they don't love us back.
When the MLC spouse drops the bomb on us we are in shock. After the shock wears off we enter into anger and resentment. Projecting our anger and resentment towards our MLC spouse only brings more of the same.
I know this to be true from my own experience. It took me a long time to realize that my anger and resentment towards my XW was like putting gasoline on the fire. Around and around we went, each one of us trying to control the other.
I have a lifetime of built up emotions that have needed releasing. It is a continual journey to heal ones soul. Baby steps right.
Their is no quick fix to our problems. Why? Because they are not problems, they are opportunities for learning, growing and evolving. And that is what life is all about.
I hope you continue to learn, grow and evolve to have the full life experience in which God intended for us. Our experiences are not a mistake. There are no mistakes, only opportunties to experience the things in whcih we can learn the lessons we are suppose to learn.
